"In this world, you can be oh so so smart, or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart... I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."
Some things you might want to know about me:
• Yes, I have a grown up job I pay my own bills, and I sleep on a proper bed. However In spite of these adult tropes, I am and will forever remain a wee bit off for most people.
• I have two kids, they are the world to me. If you have a problem with that. thank you for reading this far but I am afraid you will only be wasting your time reading about my awesomeness.
• I don't have baby momma drama. Me and my ex are very good friends. And to be honest the only thing we have any disagreements over are our children. But that's normal with two responsible parents. And no you're not competing with her, that part of my life is over.
• I don't expect this to go anywhere. But it might be nice if it did.
• I use to write very long missives filled with random and asinine questions about garden gnomes and snock snatchers. After a lack of interest, I gave up on being creative.
• I don't want to have sex with you right away. Sex is great, I love it, but it's just sex. I'd rather have a good conversation. No, Really, talk before sex. I'm not kidding. Stop looking at me like that!!!!!!
Note: At the end of my messages I always make a point of mentioning what song I'm listening to right then and there. That way you know I don't cut and paste my poorly written missives.
I will pick you up on my sweet bicycle. You'll ride the handlebars until we get picked up by these cool alien cats in a flying saucer. They'll fly us on to the roof of their favorite club/bar/restaurant or public park where they will proceed to try and light each others farts on fire. This will fail as they have no anuses. we will leave them as they continue their attempts at pyromancy. On our walk back the sky will open up and skittles will begin falling from the sky. At first this will be really cool, until we both realize how much it hurts to get hit by millions of falling candy pellets. I'll shield you with my jacket as we make our way to cover and when all hope seems lost an army of hungry hungry hippos will crash thru the city eating the deadly skittles rain. We will rejoice and when it's over I might let you kiss me goodnight.