"Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your little webbed feet to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
That's my favorite joke.
I like building and fixing things. Computers, cars, just about anything, I'm fascinated with building and fixing stuff, and fairly good at it. I like paintball, gaming, watching college football (don't care about pro too much), food (cooking and/or eating), most outdoor stuff (not camping), most dogs, some cats, and music (more on that later).
My short-term goals are to improve upon my current living situation (two months behind on my plans for that, but I'm resolved to see it through), and fix that pesky oil leak on my Mustang. My long-term goals are to open my own shop specializing in restoring old pickups, build a house on a piece of land out in the country, and to find that right woman to share that with (not necessarily all in that order).
Music is a constant for me, I'm always listening to something. My tastes are varied and eclectic, ranging from 1920s jazz, to modern blues and traditional country, to heavy metal, to hip-hop. I own literally hundreds of albums on vinyl and CD, and the collection never seems to stop growing. Lately I mainly listen to neo-traditional country (Sturgill Simpson, Jason Isbell, Brandy Clark) or Texas/Red Dirt (Stoney LaRue, Whiskey Myers, Hayes Carll), but it's not unusual for me to be blasting Metallica, Duke Ellington, Dio, Ludacris, or Lil Jon in the truck on any given day.
All-in-all I'm a pretty uncomplicated guy. No drugs, don't drink to excess (or regularly) don't smoke, no kids, steady paycheck, and I've had the same cell phone number for ten years.
I decided last month that 30 was too young to get winded walking from my truck to the office, so I took charge of my health, started eating right, bought a bike, and started riding every day. April 1 saw me nearly pass out from a 1/2 mile ride, this week I'm going for five miles (riding 3-4 miles per day as of last week). I'm still fat, but I'm feeling healthy for the first time in years, have my weight loss goals (want to get down to 200lbs), and fitness goals (want to do a 100-mile ride next year).