-I'm Matt. Life is good for me lately, and I'm doing well.
-If you like what you see, awesome. Let me know. If I like what I see, I'll respond. I'll tell you the rest when I know you're not really a dude.
-If you happen to be a little vortex of untidiness, do us both a favor and move on to the next guy. I'm not, & you will likely drive me nuts, unless you're just really pretty, in which case it'll take longer for me to admit it... but ultimately, you'll still drive me nuts and we won't work very well together.
-I think Ron White is the funniest man alive... Nick Swardson, Louis CK, and Will Ferrell are all close seconds.
-I hate smoke-filled bars.
-I'm a terrible dancer, I'm cool with that, and I enjoy making a fool of myself on the dance floor.