Not happy, don't like people, hate to travel, dim witted, bad sense of humor, socially challenged, no charisma, hate crowds, drink too much, rarely bathe, I like smelling my own farts and so do you, live alone - don't clean and my place smells like ass. Not much to look at and have no luck with the ladies, in fact, the last woman that tried to get me in the sack looked awful...there was a naked picture of her hanging in the zoo to keep the monkeys from whacking off. I asked my Dr. to prescribe me some Viagra...he asked why and then proceeded to tell me about all of the things he found wrong with my check up...I said I wanted a second opinion...he said I'll give you a second opinion...your ugly too. I still haven't figured out how he checked my prostate with both hands on my shoulders. I think I have worms.
I went back to my Dr. to discuss head aches and he proceeded to check my prostate again. During the examination, he was telling me of the time when he first tried sky diving. He said he was scared to jump out of the plane and so the instructor told him that he had 2 choices….1. jump out of the plane or 2. Get stuck in the booty by Bubba. So I asked him ….so …. did you jump? He said a little at first. I think I need to find a new Dr.
Reasons to date me:
1. I have no STDs
2. I am willing to bathe for the right woman
3. I will trim my ear and nose hair before our first date...no promises there after
4. I don't stop when the batteries run down
5. You don't need to wash me off when you're done
6. I don't throw my poo