I wish I could Google search for things in my house.
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about a person because I've stalked them on the Internet.
None of my yoga pants have ever been to yoga.
I never see the glass as half empty because I always drink straight from the bottle.
If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians.
I'm tense because I have too much recorded TV to watch.
I take unresolved childhood conflicts out on random motorists.
I have enough free time for DVD commentary.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.