Looking for a partner in crime… LITERALLY.
Okay, here's the deal. Looking for someone to help pull off the biggest crime in U.S. history. If successful, you will be set for life!! Guaranteed!
WARNING: High risk, high reward. If you're up for it read further.
Will provide details of the crime later but here are the requirements:
- Well skilled, smart, funny - STRONG SENSE OF HUMOR (very important).
- Passionate about your skills, healthy, in pretty good shape or WILLING to get in good shape (I will work with you if need be, the "job" requires it, lots of movement, will explain later).
- Honest with YOURSELF about everything even if it hurts BUT not self loathing. That's an instant deal breaker.
- Positive, optimistic, glass half full type. Very important, if you don't believe we can pull this off then it won't work and I'm not trying to go to jail for nobody. Seriously.
- Able to communicate how you feel - very important, this is key in not getting caught.
- Must have a basic, passable knowledge of NFL or NBA - this will help our cover, in case we get trapped. Expertise not needed. I'll handle that part.
- Must be able to pull off the frumpy, unassuming, plain jane, shopping in rite aid at 2am look (quick stop at Trader Joe's look works as well). This is a major component for a successful getaway.
- Oh, you must be nice. Can't pull off the biggest crime in U.S. history with a mean ass ****!
- Lastly, if you're a woman that needs a guy to have "game" SCRAM! You're childish and would be completely useless in this endeavor.
That's it for now, will fill you in on the details of the job upon our first meeting, in which you will be required to answer some pretty standard questions about yourself. Don't worry, just basic security check stuff. Nothing to be alarmed about. We will be in a safe controlled environment with food and maybe drinks. Note about "food environment" we absolutely under no circumstances are to sit with our backs to the door. That's a HUGE no no. Of course, will explain later. I think this covers everything. Oh, and in case your wondering, lots of travel will be involved, Paris, Italy, Hong Kong, New York, Greece... as much as the world as possible. Passport a must.
Anyway, if interested, use the following password when contacting me: B.C.I.U.S.H. If you know what those initials stand for you'll receive major, major bonus points. (Hint: The answer is in my profile.)
Oh, almost forgot… here's a bit about me:
I don't do Halloween, ever. Will explain later. If that's a deal breaker for you - I completely understand.
BUT, I do have disguises that come in handy. They are
1 - Film Editor. Great cover. Very low key.
2 - Writer. Tremendous help when in awkward or sticky situations.
3 - Regular guy. Good for moving about undetected.
4 - Caring guy. Good disguise but confuses most applicants for whatever reason.
5 - Comedian. Very, very popular and one of my favorites.
6 - And finally the disguise that's rarely used but seems to work best (for whatever reason) the complete ***hole! Go figure. Haha.
As for first dates.... I prefer to determine that based off our initial conversation. Then I can get a better sense of who you are and tailor it around your personality, that is, if you clear the security check, we move on to the expensive part of the job. Maybe. If you're worth it.