There are rules; about dating, about when to call someone back, about when to say the "L" word, about bringing a llama to a christmas dinner, about how many dress shirts a man should own. I don't understand, nor do I follow those rules.
Do not get me wrong, I am not a rebel, a trend setter or a turophile, I simply do not believe you can impose rules on a human being. We’re slippery, ever changing and at times, rather stinky.
Every encounter I have had in my life has made some change in who I am. I am not done. I am not finished. I am drawn to people who live this unfinished life in motion. People who say NO are rewarded with the safety they achieve, people who say YES are rewarded with the adventures they live. This doesn't mean jumping out of planes,running with bulls or taunting inanimate objects. It can be as simple as stopping for an hour and listening.
I really have no answers. I really do not feel the desire to fill this box, on this screen, with things that will make me sound "appealing", I am appealing, just ask the studio audience. I know I am, as most everyone on this site is, more than the sum of answers in boxes. The simple fact is, I am alone, I have been alone for a while and I am done with that. It should be noted that I do not possess, nor do I desire to possess, the trappings of adulthood. I do not own a car because I hate driving. I have a job that is a passion and it does really consume my life for large moments, however, since it is "fun" to the outside world, it is not often seen as a legitimate job. To those people I say, "well ..." I have a a peter pan peanut butter complex, which is less psychologically damaging than a straight forward peter pan complex. I simply do not think growing up means stopping changing or "acting a certain age." I do like life that sticks to you and makes things interesting.
I like books and food, the sound of laughter, the heat of a good argument. The crack of a ball off a bat, dark bars on Tuesday afternoons, theater, fall, muggers who wear name tags so the experience is more personal. I am hoping for someone who wants to take the time to get me and show me who they are at this point in time. I would like to have someone special to think about during my day.
Truthfully, conflict will happen. Anyone who thinks that they can be with another person and not have moments of conflict is seeking a robot. How we resolve conflict, learn from it, move forward with it is interesting to me. Conflict, to me, is not the same thing as what some call "drama" .... drama is a literary genre and a performance style. That's not life. I am willing to listen and learn. I am willing to be open. I am willing to try. I am willing to share my lunch, my hopes, dreams, desires ... Not my socks ... I want to take time and be, see what that leads to. I am looking for simple.
Simple not in the, my dad and mom were brother and sister and now I look like an evolutionary mishap, simple. But simple in the way we respect and listen, think and act. There are so many weird, unknowable factors in finding romance, finding love, finding a parking space, finding that other sock that was lost in the dryer, finding someone ... I don't want to add to the difficulties with trivial games and lies.
If you have time, patience, interest and a red wagon or a radio flyer sled and you've got a free minute, drop me a line, I promise to respond.
A meeting. For coffee, drinks. Starting small, quiet, hello, how are you. It weaves and melds into life stories and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. And that meeting for coffee, in the early afternoon, continues effortlessly as the sun winks, nods and hands off the baton to the moon. And suddenly nine days have gone by and the staff stands sleeping in the corner waiting clear our cups. The shop closes, reopens, closes, reopens. We sit at the same table impervious to time, nature, clocks, the world going by and the conversation never lags, never dips and we need no more coffee, no more food, we are fed on words and thoughts ...and then the cops come and arrest us for trespassing ... But the idea is nice. Can you imagine that. A first date that spins into a life tapestry? I think that would be a nice first date.