If you are or do any of the following, please do not message me.
-More than 6 years older or younger
-Can't formulate a proper sentence (knowing that "u" is not ok for "you", and "r" is not an alright substitute for "are", and it would also be super cool if you knew the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.)
-If you message me something sexual without even bothering to get to know me even a little, I will verbally berate you and then report you to plenty of fish.
-I will consider dating any race, religion, or weight depending on personality. But if you are ghetto, don't bother. I do not get along with ghetto people, we will have nothing in common. It is nothing against you, just some people don't mesh. We won't. I promise.
-I do not want to join you and your girlfriend for sex.
-I will not meet you at your hotel tonight for sex. (Or anywhere else for that matter.)
-No, you can not smell my feet, put a whip cream pie in my face, tell me your taboo fantasies, clean my house naked, masturbate while my cat and I watch, brush my teeth for me, **** my armpit, drink milk from my belly button, or clean my ear with your tongue. (And yes, I have been asked to do all of these on this site. **** you.)
Just be nice to me and treat me like a lady. It's not like I am a prude, but there is a way you should speak to someone when you first meet them, and asking me to guess how big your****is... that ain't it.
Hi, my name is Mari. I am 31, and slightly hefty. Not quite 200 lbs. Take it or leave it, I am happy with how I look, but I am still losing weight at a quick degree.
For hobbies, I read a lot. I try to keep it 50/50 fiction/non-fiction. I like to go see movies. I am a little bit of a movie snob- I like to read what critics say and I go from there. I like a lot of foreign and indie films, and I love a good horror. But I mean, at the same time I love the Fast and Furious series. (RIP)
I am a writer, the scripts kind. I write commercials for bay area tech companies. I have also done a children's television show, a sketch comedy show that never aired (sadly), and both short and feature length scripts. I also do the copy writing or a few different companies, and to make money on the side I have ghost written a few novels, and I write college students thesis for them. This is how I make my living.
My musical tastes are... eclectic. I can listen to 90's, 80's, indie, folk, hip hop, old country, ska, punk, etc etc. I like a little of everything. I like to go see live shows, local acts. There are a few bands that when they come to town I am there EVERY TIME. haha.
Anyway, if you are interested, hit me up!
Honestly, if I had an ideal first date- it would be this.
Firstly, it would be like, most of the day. We would meet for lunch and chat it the heck up. You could totally choose where we eat, I have some preferences of course, but I'm not picky.
Then we would take a walk on the beach, maybe play in the water a bit, build a sand castle, fly a kite... something nice.
Then we would go to a coffee shop, get something we have both never tried, and play cards or something fun like that. Connect four anyone?
Next, we would go see a movie. I know the whole cliche about how movies are bad on first dates- but honestly...**** that noise! We have already spent plenty of time talking and laughing. Now I want to see how you act during a movie. Cause afterwards I want us to pick one anothers brains about it all.
Now, we go get dinner. If you paid for lunch, I will get dinner, or vise versa. Fair is fair. If you picked the lunch place, I will pick the dinner place, or visa versa. You know? By this point, we will know each other well enough to know if we are interested in continuing on. I mean, at any point if there is a non interest on either side either party can opt out of my amazing date idea, but I dont think you would want to because Im pretty ****ing radical.
After dinner, maybe we talk another short walk. Used book store, record store, thrift store? Just browse around and look at shit. Oh man, the best would be if there was an arcade or something nearby.
Now I wanna hit up a karaoke bar, have a couple drinks, and maybe do some singing and dancing. You dont dance? Yeah, neither do I, thats why it will be ridiculously silly and fun. I can sing a mean Fiona Apple though.
Afterwards we would drive around for an hour or so, just exploring and looking at stuff, sharing some music we each like and chatting some more.
Lastly, we would head to your pad cause it's late. We will play some video games and maybe makeout.
AND THAT IS MY IDEAL DREAM DATE.
Or you know, we could just get some coffee. Hah.