I can send a text message, using a rotary phone
Women leave the toilet seat up for me.
The Loch Ness Monster thinks im a myth.
I handle sizzling fajita platters with my bare hands
I once taught my dog how to bark in Spanish.
I vacation in the lost city of Atlantis.
My razors never get dull.
I quit school in the first grade, because the teacher called "Recess", and I don't play
Im fluent in all languages, including three that only I speak.
Midgets look up to me.
Ghosts also fear me.
I tip an astonishing 100%.
Once while sailing around the world, I discovered a short cut.
Also when sailing the wind is always at my back.
Panhandlers give me money.
I do Calculus in my head.
I always rounds to five decimal points.
I divorced my wife because i caught her littering.
My 7th Inning stretch could last through the 9th....
Ive never not sat up straight.
As a toddler I taught others to walk.
At the book store people crowd around to see me read.
Athletes seek my autograph.
My passport requires no photo.
I can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future.
When fishing at some point I have to call it quits.
Ive never found a penny that wasn't heads up.
When I drive a new car off the lot it increases in value.
My blood smells like cologne
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after Me.
I dont believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
My cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for me.
My pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
My shirts never wrinkle.
I am left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if I forget to put postage on my mail, it gets there.
I once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
You can see My charisma from space.
The police often question Me, just because they find me interesting.
Even my enemy’s list me as there emergency contact.
I never say anything taste like chicken… Not even chicken.
My charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
Years ago, I created a city out of Lego's. Today over 600,000 people live and work there
Alien abductors have asked me, to probe them.
I wouldn’t be afraid to show my femine side if i had one
I once challenged my reflection to a staring contest on the fourth day I won
Well ill start off saying if you got this far then ur doing good. just a little more lol. my name is todd i love to laugh and be the center of attention when it comes to comedy. If im out with you and by the time we oart ways if your cheeks dont hurt from laughing im not keeping my half of the deal.. I was born and raised in middletown ohio.. Fords are the best, lol im into anything that defies gravity and flys.. Anything With a motor,if it can be made to run faster im interested. Im into Shooting, hunting, fishing, football, baseball,ufc Aircraft and nascar. Any other questions just send me a message, im a nice guy and fun to be around. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Something with car crashes, people getting ran over, police chases, explosions, gun fights, rednecks, umbrella drinks, baiting hooks, and hot nasty speed.