Before we get started, YES the pics are all me & NOT photoshopped (the cats are REAL & LIVE). I hope youre prepared for a straight-forward approach. The User Name & Heading are a song reference, AND an innuendo (I love word play) Also, just for the record - if I message you, PLEASE answer, even if just to say "not interested"..thank you.
I am FAR from a great man, merely an old scoundrel that's avoided prosecution & the wrath of angry husbands for far longer than mere luck can account for. I guess my title should have been "Skillful Scoundrel Seeks Sexy Siren",or something cute like that. Sexy Siren would be NICE, but what I really would love to find is Closer to "Open Mind & Adventurous Spirit with a Hippie Heart & Soul"
About ME; I have oft times quoted the Saints, but NEVER professed to be one.
I have beliefs & principles of my own,which will never be what you or society think they should be, nor will I ever convert them to please others.
I believe you have the right to believe whatever you wish, BUT if you have religion, PLEASE - treat it like you would a penis - Don't wave it around in public, & dont try to force it down other peoples throats.
I am my own person, & I think with my own brain,usually with adequate to excellent results.
I sometimes mix my metaphors, but hell, Its not rocket surgery...
It's my firm belief that the wisdom of the world can be found in the lyrics of song...that the answers to all lifes questions are as close as your radio dial, IF you know how to listen.
Each persons life needs a soundtrack. I can think of a song Title or Lyrics for almost any situation, & Everyone makes me think of a song when I first see them. Ask me what yours is if youre curious. My personal song is "Over the hills & far away" by Led Zeppelin...or "Hell Yeah" by Neil Diamond...depends on the day, really. Look up the words...
I may be broken (some people have used the expression "rode hard & put up wet") but that only makes me more unique. I accept who I am, knowing I am far from perfect - accept me for who I am, or not at all.
I can look in the mirror every morning without having to look away in shame or flinching in disgust at the man staring back. Considering my life & the myriad of mistakes made, thats an accomplishment.
Thats enough of the "I" sh*t, dont you think?
Rather than further describe myself, I have inserted an Introduction my best friend, L. W. Mayfield (deceased) written to introduce me at a speech I once gave. It's been extensively edited to prevent embarrassment to individuals not involved in this profile....yes, REALLY.
J.D. "Smith" (real name witheld to preserve his Identity in the witness protection program) was born at an early age.
At 7 days, he was circumcised. This was so traumatic that he did not walk or talk for almost a year.
There was nothing usual about his early development. He lost his virginity at the ripe old age of ten. The resulting marriage proposals & publicity over the next few years resulted in his early graduation from high school & enlistment in the military at 16 to avoid a life of marital enslavement or a career in adult entertainment.
After his first tour in the military, he went to UCLA University to become an engineering nerd. He majored in mechanics & minored in medicine. He took all of his anatomy classes in braille and passed with a 4.0 average.
Unfortunately, while in junior high, his uncle gave him a book about the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. Soon after, he read Les Miserables by Victor Hugo & The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. This led to the complete works of Robert A. Heinlien, William W. Johnstone & Louis L'Amour. To complicate matters, his Military career was fraught with tales of heroism & personal fortitude which he seemed to take to heart.
His heroes became Audie Murphy, Randolph Scott, Gary Cooper & Sonny Barger. He transformed from the ordinary engineering nerd into a raving maniac about freedom.
Ever since, he has engaged in all sorts of socially unacceptable behavior. After a short stint at Baptist Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas where he was declared a heretic, He stole a house, fought for the oppressed in South America after serving in 2 branches of the US military, corresponded with Soviet Premier Yuri Andropov, had barbeque with Bill Clintons Uncle, tried to sue the U.S. Post Office, had a municipal law declared unconstitutional, distributed subversive material at the U.S. Courthouse in Dallas & once beat an armed police officer unconscious for shooting his cat. He holds the record for most traffic citations (as far as we know) in a year when at the age of 16 he recieved 128.
He has been arrested 29 times & incarcerated 3 times, the longest term for a grueling 2 1/2 weeks. All charges were eventually dismissed or adjudicated, with the exceptions of traffic violations & creating a public nuisance.
He has the delusional idea that he can transform the United States from a totalitarian government into a free society. His wives & children are trying to get him committed to an old age home on the grounds of "miles travelled" rather than age. He says he prefers prison where he has around the clock police protection, something he could not otherwise afford. In addition, he is of the firm belief that prison is where the few interesting people left reside.
He is an accomplished engineer, race car builder & driver, lion tamer & founder of the church of the different driver.
He is an unlicensed amateur gynecologist, & offers free examinations & services to women of questionable morals on alternate tuesdays. He is no charlatan and knows exactly what he is doing according to his clients. Sarcasm & Smart-assery are two more of the plethora of services he provides, free of charge, on a regular basis.
He also holds an honorary PHD in salesmanship & the art of Bullshitting from the Robert Tilton School of Evangelism.
"The most interesting man in the world" character is based on his life - they even used his kitchen & cougar to film the commercial.
He is currently involved in numerous crusades for the betterment of mankind & his own personal gain. All cards, letters & donations should be sent directly to him.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
When I read so many of the profiles on here, it says "Must make me laugh" or "Looking for honest guy", & even "Be my forever love"...isnt that what we all really want? ...somewhere deep inside, anyway. What I seek is someone with an open mind and an open heart, that wants to share their life
I don't care about "perfect first dates"...its about getting to know one another. I want to get to know YOU, not in the biblical sense (although that IS an option - but it would include the consent of everyone involved, so dont count on it, ok?)
Ya GOT to have a sense of humour, if you feel the need to call the sarcasm cops, or if you can't handle an Alpha (Daddy)Dominant Male, then I’m definitely NOT the guy you wanna hang with.
Dinner & cheap wine provided at no additional charge. I have duct tape, no need to bring your own.
Screamers, creamers, expectant mothers & backsliding christians go to the head of the list - dont ask, thats just my preference.
extra points given to rich widows, preachers daughters (& wives), & other nymphomaniacs.
Wives, please have a note from your spouse or you WILL be excluded - being shot 4 times in your life is plenty, thank you - even us Scoundrels DO have principles.
Now, if you made it thru all the (ahem) information, my twisted sense of humour, you can deal with the unconventional, AND you have the curiousity of a starving cat, contact me !
P.S. : there's a lot of the real me in all the above; you just gotta separate the bull from the corn! ...Stay thirsty my friends.