I'M AWESOME BECAUSE....
- I would introduce you to many interesting new things, excluding my better looking buddies.
- If you're standing really close, my ego is too big to be seen.
- I'm totally never wrong, so we would never argue.
- I'm full of surprises, and a bunch of other stuff.
- I'm a guitarist who plays technical solos and complicated riffs to compensate for other, WAY less important traits.
- I'm definitely not afraid of commitment. In fact, I'm ready and willing to commit to 5 girls at the same time if need be.
- I believe I am living proof that you CAN be both hot and cool at the same time.
- I'm 27. And yes, I do mean out of 10.
- If you're horrible in bed, I'll be too busy being awesome to notice.
- If you're looking to be spoiled, look no further! I'll dedicate all of my time and money to spoiling all of your hopes and dreams!
GIRL FOR ME:
- Most guys say they want a sweet, intelligent, and well mannered girl. I'll take whatever's left. Kidding! You need to have manners ;)
- I love wasting time, so high maintenance is probably the way to go.
- I grew out of religion years ago, so I think it's time you did too.
- I have a fairly strong imagination, so beauty is not an issue.
- No Sexists! You must hate men and women equally.
- Someone to make me laugh. I'm sick of laughing at myself.
- Standards need to be low. Expectations should be even lower. Results may vary still.
- Must not smoke. Heroine. Around me. Often. Ish.
- I'm not looking to be crushed, physically or emotionally.
- I'm a dreamer and a romantic, and tend to believe in some pretty far fetched and outlandish ideals. Therefore, I do believe that somewhere out there, there's a girl who'd rather pay more attention to me than her blackberry. F*^% RIM.
BEST PROFILES I HAVE READ:
- Some girl that wouldn't talk to anyone unwilling to participate in double teaming her.
- A 19 year old girl who claimed she needed gifts to feel loved.
- I remember the lines "if you ain't gangsta, den bounce!"
- "I'm not so interested in men as I am in finding a father for my son"
- Here's a new one: "I'm not looking to compete for your affection with your kids, so don't msg me if you have any" LOL
- "First things first, if you aren't Portuguese with lots of money, don't waste my time."
- "Must be willing to share me, as I'm currently screwing my best friend."
- "I'm just looking for someone to pay my rent for me, for like... 4 weeks MAX! I don't even care what you look like!"
BEST MESSAGES GIRLS HAVE SENT ME:
- Is your name Kent?
- I'm on your "funniest profiles I have read" and I'm not impressed.
- (Some girl threatened me with the bible once...)
- "Is this pro-file for seriuss?"
Yikes, ladies. I don't know what is meant when girls say they want a "real" man... but if you've been dating imaginary dudes, it's probably time you sought help.
Allow me to put your nerves at ease. Don't worry about first impressions, please. I'm going to assume you're an evil heart-stomping vulture bent on luring me into the sack anyway, so as far as I can see, you can pretty much only go up in my books.
First, we'll go for coffee.
If you don't like coffee, then %&*# YOU! (Kidding, you can watch me drink mine.)
Next, we'll go for a walk somewhere to get to know each other.
If you talk too much, I may suggest we go see a movie instead.
Finally, if I decide I like you, we pretty much hafta get married, 'cause my green card isn't exactly legit, and you were sending some pretty strong signals.