Seems everyone claims to be funny and witty and clever and not at all boring ... so why are the profiles so damn generic and lame? Isn't anyone out there clever? Witty? Charming? Playful? Funny? I know I'M amusing, but I'm looking for someone to spark me for a change. Settle down now ... I said spark ... not spank. If you have personality show it in your profile and your message. Geez take a moment to be original! Hint ... commenting on my "kitty" or my Oreo dunking preferences ... NOT original.
If you're reading this and don't laugh, giggle smile or smirk ... you don't "get me" - move on.
If you're "separated" ... you're still married - move on.
If you know deep down that you're a scumbag - move on.
If you're looking to make me part of your threesome - move on.
If your profile includes ... in any way .... "work hard play hard" OMG - move on
If you're married but sad - Boofxckinhoo for you and move on.
If you've gone through this entire profile and the only thought in your head is "whew! That was long!" I promise you, I don't want to hear from you - move on.
Nutshell version of me. I'm usually irresistibly Adorable ... sometimes Sexy as hell ... and always Smarter than the average bear.
I'm looking for an upbeat guy who's funny and easy to talk to. If you're always cursin about how crappy this was or that is I don't wanna hear about it. Someone who knows the art of kissing would be great. If your tongue is hard, get it out of my mouth. And if it's going around and around in fast little circles I just might run away! What is that? I do like muscles so I suppose they're a plus. I just like a man to be strong. A strong man who has a strong mind.
Me? I'm pretty funny. (I crack myself up anyway) I'm witty, generous - sometimes to the point of stupid, empathetic, kind to strangers and animals, and passionate about everything I do. I respect the elderly, question authority, am proud of our troops, pissed off about the state of our economy and of course I like dogs too! Most importantly I'm just a really cool person. I love motorcycles and playing poker. I like shooting pool though I haven’t done so in quite a while. I suck at Darts and Chess but will never turn down a game. I like to roller blade but never learned how to stop ... so I need either a partner or a pole to bang into. Not attractive nor graceful ... but true.
I love going to dinner and to the movies and definitely comedy clubs and live concerts too.
I do not care at all for roller coasters but will hold your jacket and keys and be waiting patiently for you when the ride is over.
If you can honestly say that you use the Oreo cookie as the spoon in the Peanut Butter jar then you're my kinda guy! (cause there WILL BE crumbs in the Peanut Butter and I don't wanna hear about it)
Probably shouldn't be allergic to cat hair or dust, cause I seem to have an abundance of both and neither will be going away anytime soon I suppose.
And now for those thinking of sending a message ... yippie! I love messages! But remember a little effort goes a long way.
If you're honestly still thinking "Hey how ya doin?" isn't gonna make me cringe and my eyes roll up into my head ... you're wrong... I will be in a coma and you should move on.
"If you never cross paths with the Devil, it's probably because you're going in the same direction."
That explains a lot of crap right?