I'm probably the exact opposite of what you're looking for. I am a smartass, and would probably say inappropriate things that piss you off on purpose. I'm boring, my life generally consists of working, and sitting at home watching netflix. my job sucks. And that pretty much sums it up. But, the positive, your parents will probably like me.
I keep getting asked this, so I figured I'd put it in here I no longer have my beard, although I'm sure I will get bored and attempt to grow it again eventually.
Something fun like go carts, paintballing, put put, and dinner afterwards.