"I don't love to share laughs, or to share anything, really. Smiling also brings me no pleasure, unless I'm making someone cry, preferably in public. I am not driven; I strive to do everything minus-110%. I don't have a job and never have, but if I did, I'd hate it - just like I hate dogs and cats and horses and most other animals, including humans. I've never done a spontaneous thing in my life, which has been mostly dictated by my autonomic nervous system. I'm neither easygoing nor outgoing; the '-going' suffix annoys me in general. I avoid trying new things, and my discovery of new places is always purely, irritatingly accidental.
In my free time, I do nothing. I do not have a favourite sports team that excites me to the point of ending sentences with exclamation points. I don't go running, except at the end of every date… I abhor the outdoors. And the beach is the absolute worst, what with all that f--king sand."
Now I do agree with the sand statement but the rest is the funniest profile I ever seen so had to use it. Plus I can't be bothered to write my own :-)