Here are a few good one liners..just to make you smile
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?