I once walked on the moon but NASA will never tell you the truth.
Whenever I walk into a house with hardwood floors I try to moonwalk.
I have survived a shark attack with nothing but a flash light and sunflower seeds.
My whiskey is usually neat but I can make the best Manhattan you've ever had.
Thelonious Monk, Aesop Rock, Jay Electronica, David Bowie and Tyler the Creator are geniuses.
Pallandroms and abandoned buildings fascinate me.
I just ended 2 years as a vegetarian by going to a brazillian steakhouse. It was delicious.
I read the book Tuesday's with Morrie on a Thursday so it didn't make much sense.
One day I will be able to sit down at a piano and play it, but I haven't started yet. Once I can play 'Round Midnight I will be finished.
One of my best friends told me that my tombstone will read "His resilience was his brilliance"
One morning I was in a hurry to get to work but still managed to iron a shirt, make a omelette and solve a rubix cube before clocking in at 8:59.
People always say to dress for the job you want not the job you have. How come they think I'm weird when I show up at work dressed as batman?
I will probably quote song lyrics that I think are relevant to a situation but when is it ever appropriate to tell someone that there's banana peels in their hamster wheels?
And now for you........
You should be able to split the atom, ride a unicycle and juggle but it doesn't have to be at the same time. If you can't do any of that, making me laugh and willing to talk nonsense works. If we ever meet I will judge you based on the shoes you wear and your ability to do handstands. If you have a monocle, I will probably forget to look at your shoes.
I want to jump around in a inflatable castle with you and then maybe get a popsicle. I do like to drink coffee or beer, that might be best. Either way I'm bringing mace and a rape whistle, you might be crazy.