Real sh!t is boring, so here we go. I'm clever and super funny, I promise. I like girly things; you know, tits, hips, and ass. If you make a joke profile, expect joke responses or responses from jokers. That's what's up right now. I like to put two spaces after the end of each sentence. You may think that's trivial and not worth mentioning but trust me, it makes a difference. Also not worth mentioning is that I'm super rich. It seems unimportant, I know, but the "meat lady" at the grocery store said women like money or something. So I'm putting it in. (Haha I wish). So basically it goes like this, if you think you have something to offer, by all means take a picture of them and send it to me. And lastly but not leastly (I know leastly is not a word, shut up) it's the winter time and my ears get cold and my mouth gets dry. Help me out and let me wear your thighs as ear muffs.
First date can be whatever. Who even goes on dates any more? Just let me buy you something to eat, try not to be a b!tch, laugh at my jokes, and I'll pretend not to look at other girls. Fair enough?
*P.S. Don't be stuck up, ladies. I realize you get 100 messages per day, but this is an Internet dating app. Get real.*
Snapchat @ GoatWrangler