Much of the joy in my life comes from the people around me; friends, family and the people I meet. I try to learn, accept, enjoy and forgive, and have fun in the process
It’s interesting, reading personal ads, to observe how people attempt to find the right match. What's your theory? Here's mine: First, there is attraction, which is only important at the beginning. Is there enough to start a relationship? After the first meeting, the physical appearance part of attraction is superseded by personality, commonalities, and, more important, values; what's really important in life and in relationships? The personal pinnacle of all values is our ability to be present in a loving way to all, even with our enemies; especially with our intimate other. Sadly, we can't do this 100%. Our defensiveness often takes over, unconsciously or by habit, and we end up arguing, fighting, placating, avoiding, controlling, and most often blaming: it's not my fault, it's yours. Blaming renders us a powerless victim, even if we are mostly right in our blaming. I say all this, at the risk of being too "teacherly" to express my most important criteria: I'm looking for someone aware enough of their own defensiveness, as I'm aware of mine, to hold themselves personally responsible to not let their defenses control them, and to always work toward being present in love; a tall if not somewhat impossible order. What do you value in life? What do you hold important in relationship?
Aside from the theory of finding a good relationship, and the importance of contributing to life and others, it is super important to have fun in life. A relationship should be enjoyable, fun, and a bit of a challenge; wisdom comes when there are problems and tensions. When you live with someone, spend hours together, talk, relate, are sexual, it's important to not be bored, to have fun, to be interesting. More important than a nice house, car, clothes, money even travel. A relationship is where we most live.