Instead of writing about all the things you'll love about me, I'm going to explain why it won't be such a surprise when you decide you don't like me at all.
I drink too much! I'm obsessed with sports! I'd rather sleep in then do almost anything else! I smoke, not cigarettes and not crack, drive too fast, and prefer the company of my dogs to most people. I read, I read so much that I disappear for days. And I write, I write so much that you'll wonder what's such a big deal and then, when you express interest, I'll force you to listen to all the dumb sh*t I've committed to paper. I like to travel and I might not let you know where I'm going. I am not, and never - emphatically - will be, on Facebook. I talk too fast. I am unapologetically thirty pounds overweight. I sing along with the radio. I will go hang out in a bar without you. I will go out with friends without asking you along. I will tease you over your music, shows, movies, video games, and your teams. I am not bothered by bugs, strangers, dark alleys, teenagers, homeless people, violence or parallel parking, so you won't get to play hero often, if at all.
And in spite of all this, you'll probably try to marry me, too.