Please read my whole profile before sending me a message. Thanks. I'm not sure what they put in the water in Lawton Oklahoma, but it's a good thing, so if you live in Lawton, you can most definitely message me. I'm ok with driving that far, which is actually not that far at all. If you are a liar or a cheater, print this profile out, crumble it up and cram it right up your leather cheerio. I have been cheated on sooooo may times and lied to so much that I am finally to the point of exhaustion. If you want to cheat on your husband, come on over and let's do it. I will take pics and video and give them to the poor guy so he can destroy your cheating ass in court. That being said, please read on.
OMFG!!! I guess I need to update yet again. Cheese and rice. Ok, the following things are things that have happened to me since having started on this site and if you do any of these things, or if you are any of these things, suck sh*t through a tube. I want nothing to do with you. I'm going to do a little Jeff Foxworthy rendition but I'm going to call this, "You might be a twat."
1. If you lie on your profile and I show up to meet you and you look nothing like your pics, you might be a twat.
2. If you say you are clean and sober but you just like to do meth every once in a while, you might be a twat
3. If you say you are really into me and we have a lot in common, then lead me to believe that there might be something between us, then abruptly cease talking to me, you are most definitely a twat.
4. If you tell me you are not racist, then use slang terms to disparage an entire race, you might be a twat.
5. If you tell me you've only been with three guys and I find out later it's 300, you might be a twat.
6. If you say to me "ummm im nt udrstndng wat ur sying cuz i dnt no wat those wrds mean", you might be an uneducated twat.
7. If you have on your profile that you put "god" first and foremost before your children, you are most definitely a****and need to seek some psychiatric help. To each his own, if you choose to believe in that sort of thing, that's all fine and dandy, but if you put it above your children, you are a retarded twat.
8. If you beat your children, (spank, slap, punch), or physically hurt your children in anyway, you are not only a****but also a complete "kunt" and you need to be locked up. I know you women hate the "c" word, so I used the "k" word instead. Only a small few will even get that.
9. If you meet me, decide to sleep with me after knowing me for 20 minutes, then I don't call you or text you afterwords, then you text me and tell me "thanks for making me feel like a whore", you might be a twat. If you do this, YOU ARE A F*CKING WHORE! Plain and simple. And why would I want to date someone that doesn't even know me, but is willing to give me her goodies within twenty minutes of meeting. I understand sexual attraction and sometimes stuff happens. I'm guilty of it as well. However, if you think we are in a serious relationship just because we slept together 20 minutes after we met, ummmmm, you might be a twat. Think about it.
10. If you use sarcasm 100% of the time, you might be a twat. Look, I love sarcasm, it's one of my many middle names. However, 100% of the time is too much. Don't be a twat.
I don't even know why this has to be said, other than the fact that there are a bunch of bigoted racist asshats on here. IF YOU ARE A RACIST OR HOMOPHOBIC, A JUDGEMENTAL F*CK HEAD, OR JUST A PLAIN STUCK UP B*TCH, YOU CAN GO F*CK YOURSELF, SERIOUSLY. I have dated most races. I have bisexual and gay kids. If you don't like it, don't agree with it, think you're better than them, plan to judge and condemn to YOUR god's hell, eat a bag of shit, then vomit it up and eat it again. You are NOT welcome in my life or my kids' lives. I don't like to sound like an ***hole, but I despise bigotry, hatred, and homophobia, and those that choose to act up on it.
It seems there are a lot of mentally challenged women on here. That's cool, but honestly, I couldn't date you. I am looking for someone with a high IQ, someone that can read, someone that is a leader and not a sheep in the flock, and someone that can sit down and have a rational and logical conversation with me, without asking "what does that mean" all the time cuz sumtimez I really do use dem big ass words peeps dnt understand. So, I think that should weed out 95% of you, IF you actually take the time to read this profile, as suggested in the first line.
********Another update, please read**********
If you are a meth user or meth addict, take your right hand, lube it up with Crisco, and cram it right up your sphincter before you decide to message me. I have an ex-wife, getting ready to do 20 plus years in prison for it, so I want absolutely NOTHING to do with a meth user. If you are a recovering addict, I can live with that. NOT a current user. 420 is fine, don't care about that at all, but meth, NO WAY!!!!! UMMM actually, if you can cram your whole hand up your sphincter, go ahead and message me because that's not such a bad thing.
I am divorced, for 5 1/2 years now. My ex and I get along because we have 4 awesome kids that depend on that.
I have 3 of my kids at home with me and they come first, NO MATTER WHAT. If you can't deal with that, do the Crisco thing stated above.
I have a car.
I have a house.
I have standards.
I love kids.
I love tacos.
I like 6 legged cats.
I can spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsiliconvolcanoconiosis without spell check.
I can solve a Rubik's cube.
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE to travel and try new foods.
I've never been to prison.
I've never punched a baby.
I love tattoos and piercings.
I HATE pizza! Yes that's the truth.
I think it's funny when someone pukes up spaghetti and the noodles come out their nose.
I'm NOT ordinary. I like to be different. I don't want to be like everyone else, that's boring.
Things that piss me off on POF:
Girls that take 14 pics of them and their friends and don't tell you which one is them in the pic.
Girls that put one crappy pic of themselves on here and 27 of their kids and pets. (Why would you put pics of your kids on a dating site? Seriously? Do you know how many people see those pics? Some could be sex offenders. THIS IS STUPID. STOP IT! Who wants to see pics of your pets? Do they look like you? Is that an accurate representation of you? NO! So don't do it. That's what Facebook is for. Jeez.)