Epicness (eh-pih-ck-nnhess)/: The state in which awesomeness ensues, on a plane of existence that I am on; to feel epic, you must experience it first hand.
I am a super awesome, rad, and pretty ****in' guy! Really rad! I don't mean to brag... But here is why I'm so Rad, so awesome, and totally ****in':
I have a beard, a damn fine one at that! It's soft, supple, and ultra plush! Beards are cool, I have a beard; therefore, I must be cool (fact).
I play several instruments, guitar(I have soothed sea beasts with it before); I can sing ( I can melt the heart of a frost giant)! I paint and draw, I'm really pretty rad at that too!
I'm a cultured guy, I know stuff about elegance and some worldly sh*t. I know places where culture oozes from the pillars, joists, and walls. I have culture for days.
I know where to get some super sweet ethnic foods; besides burgers and sh*t (check plus, plus). Thai food? Indian? Vietnamese? Yeah, I know some places (no big deal).
I clean up nicely and dress so well, even your g-ma will be impressed (super plus). I have good table manners (bonus).
Mums love me. They'll be impressed by how much of a gentleman I am (just like those romance novels she reads).
Dogs love me. Bunnies approve of me, and we know they're hard to please. Cats? Yeah, them too (*dusts off shoulders).
Even your Dad likes me (he doesn't like anyone you've dated... Well that all changes now). He will tell you all about my firm handshake (this is important in the male world), the fact that I made eye contact, and that I say "yes sir," "no sir," "thank you sir." Dads appreciate that stuff, you know? We will bond over manly things, such as: Fishing, Hunting, Guns (most Dads love that sh*t), some sports, and mechanical things (he will show me his cool stash of wrenches and sh*t). He will totally like me, and honestly... Who could blame him?
Sisters? They'll be totally jealous of you... So you won.
Your best friend, who hates every guy you've dated? Yeah, she'll think I'm rad too.
Your brother? Yeah, he likes me too, and will high five me every time he sees me... Maybe a bro hug?
If you want to know more, ask... Honestly, you're wondering why you've not written me sooner!
Quite, no pressure, and a place where we can get to know each other. Just don't ask if we can go to the woods and sh*t, I don't think I'm ready to be dismembered on the first date, that's at least the second or third. No, I will not go to a club, I really hate other people and I don't want to scream to communicate. A dive bar would be nice, maybe a picnic, in an area with witnesses and what have you.