Before you start reading my boring profile,(which btw I suggest you skip, cause these 10-15 min of your life are non refundable depending on your reading level :P
Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to get me off this site and provide a relationship with a real connection, physically, spiritually and emotionally. As always, should you or any of your I.M. Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape/disc will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck
I have just relocated from Florida BRRR and FYI I have both US and Canadian citizenship, and dont need a GREEN CARD...stop asking lol
Communications is 10% with words 35% with tone and 55% with body language. So if you think you can get to know someone through a picture and a string of texts you are up for a great disappointment.
I am back and forth from WhiteRock to "The Woolley...
The first things people usually notice about me....My smile...:) ...my eyes.....and my swift sarcasm.....i think its pure comedy, but it gets me in trouble alot but hoping its my smile...lol I may seem strange to most BUT Normal kinda is boring. However, that being said I'm not going to curl up in the fetal position in a corner and scream obscenities in Turkish at you when I don't get my way. I'm also not going to lick ants off of the pavement or talk to trees. What I will do is take a completely different approach to something, push as many boundaries as possible, and generally do things that make most people say, "Look what this idiot is doing." That's my insanity. But it's the kind that wont get me 5-10 in state prison.
As Real as it gets...I am 48 year old "Gumma" that's my grand daughter's version of Gramma- ...I wouldn't trade it for anything...its like all the joy of having a child...BUT you can give it back when its smells bad!
If I was meant to be controlled...I would have come with a REMOTE!
I am photographer by trade......
I have never been married....
I make my own espresso.....I can actually cook.....
I have one child (it only took me ONCE to realize 8 pounds doesn't t exit your body with any degree of modesty or comfort) Her name is Jessica.
I am 5'6(5'9 ? with heels which incidentally are my favorite kind of shoes I don't even own sneakers-I love FISHING I can even do my own worms if forced to I like the smelly rubber ones, they're not as squishy and they don't scream when you stick a hook in their head and again in their butt :-)
I am not a waif so if your idea of attractive is a size 3 you better set your sights some place else and take aim.
I'm ready for love... real, passionate, unbridled, hold on to anything ya don't wanna lose this is gunna be one wild ride, kinda love... (And NO I don't mean sex... sex is good, but I want all the other stuff that goes along with a relationship - holding hands - kissing (god I love kissing!) etc...)have I mentioned this already......?
I usually say what's on my mind....My favorite saying is "Tact is for those not witty enough to be sarcastic!" well....unless it harms small children and or old people...then I try to hold my tongue....and its not easy you know..I am a Scorpio...
New adventures....well that depends....if we are talking...hurling myself out of a completely functioning aircraft....chances are slim unless I have been rendered unconscious....but if you idea of adventure...consists of slow dancing......in the middle of a busy street whilst we make our own music....you have a better shot...:) *smile* or making love at the beach...and NO this is NOT a 1st date activity!!!! :P
What I want in a Man-- Physically?---Not chiseled in stone--but chiseled ain't all bad *grin*, and not keen on facial hair and nothing that cant be remedied with a razor whilst you sleep :-)
I like a taller man at least 5'9 or so (so I can wear my heels), not to skinny I am a big girl well depending on whom you put me beside, for instance if you stand me next to -- oh say.."Rosie O'donnel" I think she'd tip the scale a lil more than me...so its all relative...right?
And the not so physical--Kind considerate intelligent (the last thing that I want is a man with the IQ of George Jetson on two bottles of NyQuil) open-minded funny, caring. If your idea of a fun Saturday night consists of drinks at the bar at The Ramada inn, please move on. If you've read the Jeff Dahmer Story-with a smile and a hi-liter I m sorry but I just don't think things will work out!
My idea of a first date...hmmm.....well as long as I don't wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney.....I am pretty much up to anything...:)
Things I like....
--I love Kissing, I think it can be the most sensual thing two people can do (if done right)..:-)
--walking in the rain
--Photography ( was a professional Photographer for many years)
--laying on the beach at night.....just star gazing
--comedy clubs ( I love to laugh)
--live music(LOVE blues and classic rock, some rap, some country..a little top 40 I am quite diverse)
--the smell of clean sheets, cut grass and my favorite perfume "Angel"
--the feel of breathe on my neck teasing is awesome
--pot roast in the oven (especially mine)
--making out--I love KISSING
--golf, pool, darts(Playing, not GOOD at but love the game)
--bubble baths, hot tubs
--walking in the woods (not necessarily carrying a dead body behind me)
--driving to no where in particular and getting lost
--fishing,swimming,boating ( Most water based things, except drowning : P ))
--being in love (kinda)..:0)
--video games I have a WII and know how to use it!
--LOVE movies and pizza at home night!!
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
I am a fan of dinner dates, or blues club...its a comfortable setting usually and you can talk..unlike the movies or clubs.
What I’m doing with my life - - Living the dream baby!! hahah Disclaimer: this was wine induced!!
I’m really good at------>Sarcasm, making people laugh, run on sentences...I dunno Jeeeez...OH I know!!
Aside from my razor sharp wit and my uncanny ability to date the wrong men?....I'm pretty good at KISSING!!
I was asked recently to describe my Perfect Kiss...this is as close as I can get...
??My Perfect Kiss....starts from across the room...with our eyes meeting....I turn away....but subtly glance back to see if you are still looking....and you are...you walk towards me slowly, confidently....never breaking eye contact.....when you reach me you slide your hands down my arms...and take my hands, then restraining my wrists just slightly, and pressing close to me, your lips travel close to mine...not actually touching them, but I can feel your breath on my face...as if to tease me for a moment or so....then our lips meet ever so softly.....no tongue yet...just lips memorizing each part of the others....your hands move up to and envelope my face without your lips moving even once......you pull back for a moment...and look me in the eyes, then close your eyes and come near again, our lips touch, you slightly part mine with your own, I can feel you tracing my lips with your tongue, as though it were asking permission to enter...I put my hands on your face pulling you in, .... wrapping your mouth in mine...I use my tongue...and invite you in....feeling you surrender and hearing you breath in deeply...I know.....you are mine......??
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
Loving Wife hahahaha
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
After tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck. Then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill Both of us !!! Be strong, honey. I love you!'His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
As a friend, all I can offer is:
1.. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot re