All right, first things first. There's nothing on this website I can write, neither on my profile or to anyone, that isn't going to make me sound like a huge douchebag. There is no way around it: I am on Plenty of Fish, and I have a penis. Therefore, by association I am a sketchy, Affliction-wearing, sparkly-jeaned, jagerbomb-pounding meathead who is in the process of posting yet another photo of myself shirtless in front of the bathroom mirror with my cameraphone.
And I totally understand why I'm grouped in as such. So let's move on.
I hate reality shows. I hate the staged drama, and I hate that people are so interested in watching the Kardashians go shopping in New York instead of going out and living their own lives.
I hate it when people use "lol". I think it looks stupid and it stings my eyes to have to read your ugly, lazy pile of shitty, sloppy, chat-room code. Every single time it's there I just say "lawl" in my head, and I guarantee 99% of the time you're not really laughing out loud when you write it. If you're currently using "lol" in your everyday life, please stop at once.
I probably take longer than the average guy to fix my hair, and I'm a little embarrassed about it. When I'm alone in my car I sing at the top of my lungs like I'm on center stage at Abravanel Hall. People in passing cars probably think I'm a crazy person. I think a hot shower is one of the greatest things in this entire world, and I try to think about that every time I take one, never taking them for granted. As much as I love being the man and taking the role of "big spoon", it feels nice to be the little spoon sometimes, even if only for a few minutes. I can see why women like it so much.
My holiday tradition every year is to build a Christmas sweater out of felt and hot glue, and I have a blast making them.
I'm kind of at a weird transition point in my life. I'm starting to quickly get over the whole drinking-and-bar scene... and that's not to say I'm opposed to going out and getting liquored up from time to time, but by no means is this a regular thing for me anymore. I'm trying to focus more on the things that are really important in life, so if you're a wild 'n out woo woo weekend girl, I'll tell you upfront that there's no way I can handle your crazy ass.
Lunch, dinner, coffee or drinks. With a little bit of wiggle room, those are our options. I just met you on the Internet. I'm not going to take you horseback riding, nor to a candlelight picnic in the park, nor to a mystical chocolate fountain in a daisy-sprinkled strawberry field on a first date. Let's be real here.