"Sometimes I imagine life like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, while the black keys represent sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys make music too..."
A bit about me: I'm constantly on the move. With my jobs and my volunteer work, I constantly find myself surrounded by acquaintances, but not many "friends" (those of you reading this that are particularly outgoing know what I mean). It's easy for me to communicate (because hey, that's my job), but it's much harder to really connect on a more personal level. It's a combination of lack of time and lack of interest, I suppose...
I have no shortage of attractive females as friends- trust me, if looks were all I cared about, I wouldn't even be bothering with this. But what I'm really looking for is someone who "gets" me, and who I can complement, both physically and mentally.
If that sounds like you, drop me a line- we might have something to talk about! And yes, I crack jokes quite frequently. I love making people laugh.
Handy Dandy Profile Translator! (for both men and women!)
(NOTE: yes, I wrote this all myself! Remember, this is all in good fun, ok? Last thing I need is more threatening messages than usual...)
"Laid back"- ****y
"Sarcastic"- super ****y
"I can be kind of a **** sometimes" - when I walk in the room, I always hear someone mutter "That **** is back..."
"Down to earth"- I can tell a pair of fake Louboutins by sound alone
"blunt"- I feel that my opinion is SO important that I'm willing to offend others just to get my point across in a tasteless, tactless way.
"spontaneous"- I'n 3 months behind on my bills because of my habit of dropping everything to go to Vegas because my friend's "friend" is a "promoter".
"over the bar/clubbing/party scene"- that whole acting like a diva at the club doesn't work anymore now that I can't compete with those younger kids that are wearing sexier outfits and getting all the attention. Plus, they know how to dance...
"Love to laugh"- I think that the fact that I love laughing at things makes me different than everyone else in the world, who are unfunny, stuck up **stards who would never understand my "edgy" humor in a thousand years. Also, I think Dane Cook is the funniest comedian of our our generation, the past generations, and all future ones to come.
"Love to try new restaurants"- I write scathing reviews on Yelp.
"I go to the gym 3 days a week"- I actually go 6 days a week, but I don't want anyone to know I'm addicted.
"I go to the gym at least once a week"- I bought one of those prepaid 2-year 24 hour fitness passes from Costco, but I used it for two weeks before giving up.
"I work out when I can"- I've never actually seen the inside of a gym before.
"Love to travel"- this tushie travels first class, and you're paying for the ticket!
"Love to eat"- nothing tastes better than being thin and ****y.
"Love learning new things"- I spent way too much time in HS partying and now I'm desperately trying to catch up with the nerds I made fun of in high school and now rule the world.
"Nerdy"- see above.
"loves nerds"- By nerds, I don't mean nasty guys who jerk off to cartoon girls. I only want to date hipsters who shop at urban outfitters and wear thick rimmed glasses that they don't need because it messes with their colored contacts.
"Hate drama"- I am oblivious to the drama I start on a daily basis, but my close friends are too tired to confront me on it. Again.
"Average"- I'M SPECIAL GODDAMMIT!!
"If you want to know more just message me"- I expect semi-nude bad angle shots to make up for the inability to write a coherent sentence about myself without referring to any of the phrases above.
But here is an honest quote I really like:
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly...
And hoping they don't.
And we never trust anyone as easily as we did the first time."
I'm thinking Coffee, Tea, or a Bank Robbery. I want to see how good you are cracking a safe under pressure while I handle crowd control.