Test: If you read this and you don't find any of it funny, I wish you well in finding the one for you. If you find yourself laughing, write me back. You get me and that's a pretty good warning...I mean sign.
I wrote each part of this piece by piece. It started with a few sentences and grew into the endless ramble you see below.
If I have looked at your profile and you're checking me out, don't worry if I didn't get in touch with you. Of course, you are beautiful. That's not at all the reason I passed. It might have been something I found in your profile that disqualified me. I take that serious. If a lady doesn't like bald people or tattoos, if she doesn't drink or has a problem with facial hair, any number of things, I walk away and wish you good luck. There are plenty of people on this site. I don't have to force myself onto someone thinking you'll get to like me. If it's important to you, it's in your profile.
This site is evil! On every page, there are a bunch of pictures at the top with more beautiful ladies. I want to go out with all of you. But, I can only go out with one person at a time. I couldn't handle juggling two or more. So, I'm going to let you guys decide. Fight amongst yourselves and when you choose a winner, let me know. I'll take you out for a corndog... Lamest line ever and it was fun to say!
I hate how they ask you a multiple choice question on here and none of the choices apply to you. But then again, when they ask me a question and let me write whatever I want, it takes me an hour because I'm thinking of something witty or unexpected, or no, I want something intelligent that defines me as a person. The fact is I don't know how to come across because I'm a lot of things at once and it's hard to pinpoint. But, most people are. They are just much better at finding a way to describe themselves anyway.
I just realized how out of date my profile was. So, I have to put a whole bunch of new stuff in here. I am the author of A River in the Ocean. It was just released this year (uh, last year). I write screenplays too. But mainly, I spend my days writing. Because, that's what writers do. So...
The most important fact about me is I am the proud father of a wonderful daughter. She is the light of my life. If that's a deal breaker, great! It makes it easier for both of us.
Some of you aren't really being honest. You should go back and take a look at your profile. Try to be more honest. If you make a list of things you want in a guy and it matches me, I'm going to write you. Write back! If you don't mean those things, they shouldn't be on your profile.
All I'm going to want to do is talk and get to know you. I have the uncanny ability to be totally honest with people. If I don't think we're going to work, I will let you know. If you feel it's not going to work, don't hesitate. I won't act like an immature moron. In fact, if anything, you might have made a friend for life because I'll admire your honesty. So, give me your phone number already damnit! What's a guy got to do?
Anyway if you'd like to talk, I look forward to hearing from you...
First dates are for talking and making that first impression. But, they are also that first chance to absolutely blow someone's mind. Although, a dinner and a walk might be more goal oriented. I don't believe in limiting myself to anything and I think you can get to know just as much about a person through their interests as you can through just what they have to say.