NO FORM EMAILS PLEASE! C'mon, have something more unique and personalized to say than "hi" or how are you". You can do it, I know you can.
Gentlemen - Welcome to a page full of chuckles, tears and references to squirrels. Before we lift off, please make sure that all seats are upright, tray tables tucked away and my DISCLAIMER at the bottom of this is read and agreed to as this flight is strictly flake/wierdo-free.
Done? 100% positive you're on the same page? Then buckle up and enjoy the ride! If not, PLEASE, for the love of all that is deep fried, move on to the next gal.
When I'm uncomfortable I make bad jokes. Then I back out of the room very, very slowly.
I went to Berkeley so nothing shocks me. I almost became a doctor, then almost became a lawyer.
I'm never rude to the waiter and always leave 20%, unless of course, the service sucks. I make a mean sticky toffee pudding. I'll travel long distances to try a dish I can't pronounce.
I give to the Humane Society every month. I always root for the underdog.
I’m both smart and intuitive. And I don’t just mean good-at-jeopardy, won-a-statewide-math-contest-when-I-was-12 smart. I mean “I once had someone ask if I could read minds" smart. It’s a blessing and a curse. Nonetheless, I’m capable of some of the dumbest sh*t you’ve ever seen. Just ask my mom.
I’m an old soul. I'm a giver. Had my share of takers. Prefer borrowers.
An ex once said what drew him to me was that I "come from a place of joy". Don't think I've ever received a bigger compliment. It was a shame he turned out to be married.
I'm paid to make TV. No, I can't get you an agent and no, I'm not looking for a boy toy. Don't ask.
I'm assertive but have a hard time taking compliments. I've heard I'm a quintessential "Gladwell Connector". I looked it up. Guilty as charged.
A squirrel peed through the screen of my skylight. Onto my couch. On my birthday. If a bird pooping on you is good luck, I assume this means I will have found true love and be a billionaire by the end of this year.
I don't consider myself a girly-girl: I can actually drive, I like Howard Stern, and I tend to pepper my speech with colorful "sentence-enhancers". Then again, I've been told I smell nice, I wear a lot of dresses, and I'm a spa treatment junkie.
As for you...You're close to Hollywood, you've posted photos that clearly show your handsome FACE and you don't smoke. Otherwise you won't hear back from me. Sorry.
If you think the Sunset Strip is a great place to "meet people", then we're probably not going to get along. If you'd rather head to Silverlake for a pint of Newcastle, we probably would. If 2 Fast 2 Furious ranks among your favorite flicks, we won't. If you have any idea where Latvia is, we will. Overwhelming urge to beat up the guy that just accidentally bumped into you? Nope! Helping him up and being so nice he buys us both drinks in thanks? Priceless.
All kidding aside, after spending years focused on my writing career, my life is in a golden place. I'd love to find an equal to share it - hopefully someone assertive, outgoing, intelligent, confident, successful, emotionally healthy/available, communicative, disease-free, open-minded and "crazy in a good way".
DISCLAIMER: Okay, so I’ve seen these disclaimers on other profiles. I now understand why and feel the need to add my own.
Sigh. Guys, look, I’m no Maxim-model/neuroscientist/senator/heiress to the Tostitos fortune, but I get plenty of attention in the real world. I’m online dating because I don’t want to date where I work and for whatever reason, the guys I attract in person are often way too young for me. I’m attractive, in decent shape, savvy and personable, extremely successful in my career and (obviously) assertive. I’M LOOKING FOR THE SAME. Thus, WE WILL NOT BE A MATCH IF:
--your closet consists of sweats and oversized black t-shirts (or shiny button-downs and gold chains.)
--the thought of mingling at a celebrity’s dinner party gives you hives.
--attending a $150 eight-course meal means you're worried about paying your rent this month. (Seriously, I've worked my ass off and now make decent money. If we don't mostly match in this regard, it will become an issue. Trust me.)
--your photos are from 10 years/40lbs ago (and when photos are few/vague, you're admitting you're hiding something. It's SO much more attractive to just own who you are.)
--your idea of getting to know someone consists of sporadic emails/texts OR "I love you"s after a second date.
Seriously, I know this sounds harsh but I’m tired of misrepresentation. When we meet in person, it shouldn’t FEEL like we met online. Please take a moment to be honest with yourself before contacting me. Your time is too precious to waste.
It's not a date, it's a quick drink. You always know within a few minutes anyway. If we click, THEN we can plan a first date. Oh, and if you know in your heart you can't manage a phone call after sharing a few initial emails, please don't send me the emails. Thanksomuch!