So sad I have to rewrite my profile. I tried to keep it short n sweet like the woman I am but after encountering the same bs time and time again, a rewrite is needed. So let's treat online dating like Monopoly since so many on here like playing games. If any of the following applies to you: DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. I'll save you the keystrokes of communicating with me if you fit these categories. If you don't, then feel free to drop a line. If anything my profile should make for interesting convo lol (and yes its long cuz it needs to be, but it's entertaining). Read it. Reading is good for your health lol.
1. If you lack the ability to engage in convo: It's a dating site. You have to communicate to get to know someone. If when talking you hit me with one word answers or seem otherwise disengaged. I am not a dentist, I don't wanna feel like I'm pulling teeth. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
2. If you're being evasive in your profile: Location: Anywhere, NY. Or you list 50-11 states you claim you live. Are you homeless? Hiding a wife and kids in those other states? Don't bother. Location is important. Who you hiding from? The law? Angry ex-girlfriend? Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
2b(lol). Evasive in occupation: I work, it's legal, it pays the bills, none of your business. What is that? Any sensible adult is gonna wanna know what you do for a living. If you're hiding it, something's wrong or you don't have one. Occupation is important not because I want your money (can't speak for other women on here), but because I don't want a bum no more than you want a gold digger. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
2c(lol). Evasive about kids: Prefer not to say? Really? You either have them or you don't. They're yours, claim them. Prefer not to say does not make them magically disappear. And you hiding them tells me a lot about your character. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
3. Being sexual offensive: Don't hit me with the "wanna f***", "your lips look like you suck a mean one", foot fetishes, sex slave, threesomes, etc. Automatic block.
4. Picture thirst: Some of yall are parched. I'm not here to satisfy your thirst. Let's just put it out there. Yes the pictures are me, yes I was born a woman, yes I have the parts to prove it, no I'm not 500lbs. Who you see is who I am. If we exchange numbers and you text me. Don't ask for any more pictures. I'm gonna tell you pictures are on my profile. If you can't keep your women straight which is fine, I will redirect you back to my profile. If you need a pic to place to my number, go back to my profile and get it from there. You think if you get 1000 pics from a chick she isn't catfishing you? You think video chat is gonna save you from a chick that looks slim in the face but huge in the waist or be a woman with a penis? I got a bridge I can sell you. Online dating is a crapshoot. You don't know what stands on the other side. So to those who dare ask, here's my answer: you wanna know what I look like, meet me. Plain and simple. But if you are still parched? Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
5. Lying in your profile: Some of yall lie about everthing. But one of the dumbest things you can do is lie about your marital status. Please don't contact me if you are in a relationship or married. Spare me the explanations. And don't think that because you tell me off the bat that you're married cuz you believe in honesty yet you lied in your profile that makes it ok. It doesn't. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
6. Sexual desperation: Let me just say this right now. I'm not here for the hook up. I have no desire to come over to some strange man's house to f*** You, disguised as why don't you come over so I can cook for you, give me a massage, etc. I don't know you, never laid eyes on you, you could be the killer. I only talk to men in my age range. A time when men knew what a date was. If I have to spell that out for you? Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
6a(lol). Sexual desperation 2.0: If your vernacular includes any of the following: we're grown, we're both adults, etc. That is a grown man temper tantrum. Newsflash, I don't need you to tell me I'm grown, I'm an adult. You really gonna tell me you're horny, need to get laid, or ask me when's the last time I got some within the first 2 minutes of speaking and then be surprised when I don't answer and hit me with the "we're grown". If you notice my silence (that's if I haven't blocked you), take your L and move on the next. Don't try to clean it up. Not interested and thank you for saving me the hassle. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
7. The bait and switch: If your goal is looking for a chick to come over, just say that. Don't go through the motions, act like you're truly looking for someone to date or a relationship if you aren't. Meeting should involve meeting at a public place, engaging in some activity. Doesn't have to be anything crazy. But it has to be something. If you aint about nuffin, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
8. Long drawn out back and forth: I only talk to men local to me so that meeting up shouldn't be a problem. If your interest is truly in meeting this shouldn't be hard. I'm not exchanging messages for weeks. We meet online...we click...we take it offline...we click...we meet. That simple. And sometimes being spontaneous works and sometimes it doesn't. Make a plan to meet that works with both schedules. Decide what we're gonna do and do it. Done. If you start putting up a fuss and tell me the bull about you don't have time, your life is hectic blah blah, you're full of it. It gives me reason to believe your married or have sister wives. If your life was that hectic and your boy pops up with box seats to a game, I bet you'd find the time to do that. If you can't find the time to meet up with a chick you claim you enjoy talking to, then I'm inclined to think you're not gonna find the time if this progresses. And since my time is valuable: Do not pass go, do not collect $200
(Gets off soapbox). If you've reached this point it prolly means you've had a good chuckle and I haven't offended cuz none of this applies to you. Congratulations lol. Trust me I'm not the angry chick. But hopefully after this, my inbox and meet me requests will be a little less cluttered and light on the BS.
And if you're a cool dude with honest intentions, don't be afraid to say hi (well not just "hi" lol...you get what I saying lol).