dwejra: Doing the Unstuck
Non-Smoker with Average body type
Edmonton, Alberta
48 year old Male, 5' 11" (180cm), Non-religious
Caucasian, Leo
dwejra is looking for a relationship.
Masters Degree

I am Seeking a Woman For Long Term
Needs Test Not Completed Chemistry Not Completed
Do you drink? Socially Do you want children? Undecided/Open
Marital Status Single Do you do drugs? No
Hair Color Brown Eye Color Blue
Do you have a car? Yes Do you have children? No
Longest Relationship Over 9 years How ambitious are you? Ambitious
Pets No Pets  

About jeff
A modest amount of time in the realm of online dating has taught me some things I think are worth noting and those tidbits combined with a general introduction to who I am is what I will share with you’re here. As a basic cautionary pause, I try not to take anything in life these days too seriously and if there is something I say that causes offense it was not my intent and please be kind enough to tell me if something I have written has stung or sat in you awkwardly.

I have a birthday approaching in the next couple of weeks and as I turn 48 I find myself less resistant to the world around me. I have had a number of lives where I have functioned in a variety of capacities and all of them have taught me that while there is no one single unifying truth about anything or anyone, we are all basically the same and we all basically function from the same values where we require love, respect, and at times we are slaves to our egos. For me, I have been forged from a pile of rock in imperfect processes to become what I am today and to become what I am becoming. Insight is ever evolving and as I grow what I hold to be true today may not be the same as what I hold to be true tomorrow. That is life and the beauty of change. I have suffered and I have grown and I have learned that lead never leaves your system no matter who you are.

Online Dating Lesson One: Manage your expectations.

I approach each connection as an opportunity to sit and meet and learn about someone new. I hold out for things like instant connection, fabulous chemistry, and outstanding love but if it doesn’t happen I know for sure that I have met someone new and in the process have invariably learned something about myself.

I own and manage a business that is constantly changing and becoming something new at every turn. I think I have always functioned in some form as self-employed and the hybrid of freedom and pressure has always suited me as more tenable than not being able to have creative control over my life and work. Some people function well in structure and order and maybe because of my strange and sometimes difficult upbringing I had to learn to be adaptable and self-reliant. Different paths for different animals I guess.

I understand that there are a lot of men on here who are not employed or have been financially ransacked by a tenuous divorce. I feel for them and I understand that the need for the comfort of companionship like far outweighs the prudence of solitude and healing. I don’t know if I am fortunate to have never been married and divorced or if I was chaffed by the experience of a father who made a mockery of commitment, but I have not suffered the slings and arrows of disastrous estrangement. It seems I have been blessed with good partners and our separations, for their various reasons, have been civil and oftentimes seamless.
It has afforded me the clarity to maintain my career without having an all consuming personal dilemma to stand in my way.

Online Dating Lesson Two: You are going to meet people who are still in pain

I like to stay healthy. Mostly, I eat well and most weeks I am found at the gym four or five days. While it isn’t vital that my partner shares my fitness routine, I hope that she will support it. I have found that as I have matured that I am extreme about nothing at all. I like good conversation and stimulating thought but there are no hills that I am going to die on if you want to debate something. I am not entrenched in an belief other than the hope that whatever you are doing or arguing is has a backdrop of kindness. If love is one of your core principles then shouldn’t it colour your approach with others?

I like nights out and Saturday morning coffees. I love the sea and whenever I can I get to the ocean even if I am alone to sit on a log and write thoughts, prose, and poems. But I would rather go with you and tell you about my siblings and our experiences of growing up on the coast and how the pain of adolescence was often softened by the sea, or my sister, and how now her estrangement from me is still a source of unresolved anguish.

Online Dating Lesson Three: Be Yourself. Everyone else is taken.

I am monogamous and always have been. I have seen in others, even those who were close to me, wield the vicious sword of infidelity. I am looking for one woman to build something with and in the meantime am interested in the process of learning. We should meet and talk and let the walls down. Let us be vulnerable and open and talk about regrets as readily as we talk about the things we love. There is something disarming about someone who will share remorse in your company. I have made a great many mistakes and I have my regrets, but still I am whole. I am not here to race anyone else’s race, just my own. Maybe we are born lost; born to persevere. But I love life and all its mystery. Maybe we can figure it out together.

Fourth Online Dating Lesson: Just Meet

I refuse to be something I am not. I want to sit down in front of you in a place of your choosing and simply have a discussion. As you can see, I can write. I do not want faceless words to be the context of our getting acquainted. I will right away move towards the exchanging of phone numbers and likely will be proposing to meet. Some of you will respond that you want to message back and forth for a while and, invariably I will decline. I simply see no reason to not meet.

Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Think carefully about a phrase or statement you have heard that resonates with you. I have many. I use them in my day to day life when trying to convey something metaphorically. It could be from a book or a friend or a Simpsons episode.

Today, mine is: I do not dwell on the things I am missing. I am just pleased with the things I have found.

Will you share yours with me?