1. NO FATTIES REPLY!
I’m an ***hole. I won’t open doors for you, in fact be careful as I will likely trip you as you go through the door for laughs and giggles. I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap, but these are the least of your worries.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom, and yes they stink. I will not do laundry, and insist that YOU do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry and look forward to it. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. Look forward to it like you look forward to seeing your family after years of separation. I think you get the picture.
Also I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live). I would kill to win the Nobel Peace prize. I love taking credit for others accomplishments. I am good looking, successful, funny, athletic, smart, & great in bed. You should feel lucky If I let you lay on your back for me & then put my picture on your desk & brag you had one of the best of all time!
I enjoy kicking puppies!! especially the tiny one's because they fly further. Anyway, I do what I want, when I want to. I can only describe myself as the manna from heaven itself. As looks go, I am so aesthetically pleasing even hardcore lesbians wink at me occasionally. I only put “average” for body type on my profile because the selection for “Greek god chiseled out of ****ing bronze” seems to be missing from the drop-down.
I don’t think it matters what we do on a first date, I am a big fan of simplicity, so a drink and walk would be just fine.