For those of you who chose to read - yay. Proceed...
1. Please have a picture of money – it shows you don’t believe in bank accounts therefore have no credit.
2. If you have a rap sheet, holla – it shows you know how to take risks!
3. Please have the latest model of any car you may see in a music video – must have a picture of you squatting, standing or doing the “jailhouse” pose in front of said vehicle.
4. Have no less than 4 shirtless pictures – it shows your confidence in your body and of course that’s the only thing I look for in a man.
5. Your nick name should end in “eezy” – because that’s just how you roll.
6. No less than 5 kids with 3 baby mamas or more and don’t take care of any of them – it shows you like variety.
7. 2 tear drops tatted on your face – shows your vulnerability and that you stand up for your crew.
8. The more jewelry you wear the better – 3 chain minimum BTW…
9. Don’t forget to mention how REAL you are – because only real people do that.
10. Please have a college degree and NOT know how to spell… f*ck the rules!
Nice to have but not mandatory...
• Please wear sandals with socks – shows you don’t conform to society’s standards of fashion.
• Claim to be from NY but you've been here since you were 4. Aight son!
• Must have at least 6 Ed Hardy clothing items – because I heart douche bags!
• Please only be on this site to meet new people for intimate encounters and not anything long term, because relationships are soooo over-rated.
• Must not say "Thank you" when given a simple compliment. Why have manners? Manners are for the well-raised.
• Must do and sell hard drugs – say hello to my little friend!
• You have to wear sunglasses at night – the moon is too bright & you’re just that cool.
• Please "Prefer not to say" in response to having a car. Because. Reasons.
• If you have gold teeth, I feel bad for you son – I got 99 problems, but toothpaste ain't one!!
If you took any of this seriously, then you need a helmet. Except for the having manners part. Also, I don't understand if you prefer not to say whether you have a car. It's yes or no, n'est ce pas?
PS. Yes I'm open to all races. I'm about chemistry and mutual attraction.
PPS. Fellas. The middle finger is not cute. I don't know why anyone posting pics with their middle finger up is going to show ANYTHING positive about you. Please cease and desist that immediately. It's not cute. STOP.
PPPS. Last one, promise... it's ok to smile, guys. It's actually inviting and gives that approachable look. Mean mugging is not the business. You say you love to laugh in your profile, but you look like a killer in your pics?!? Just sayin...
Picture it... Sometime in the land of Nope, we start the night at a dive bar and have 4 long island iced teas each, followed by a few shots of tequila (I would pay of course, gentlemen are pansies). Shoot some pool and of course when I win, I will talk sh!t about it and make you feel great about losing to a girl. Order hotdogs & fries while discussing President Cheeto and The First Eye Candy (you don't mind women who burp loudly, do you?). We could then go to Tootsies and you can buy me a lap dance cuz I'm just that cool!! But you may have to wait a bit, as I will be in the ladies rest room praying to the porcelain goddess and wishing I didn't drink so much. But after 3 bottles of water and a pep talk from the stripper who gave me the lap dance, we finish the night at a motel that charges by the hour. Thoughts?