For those of you who chose to read - yay. Proceed...
1. Please have a picture of money – it shows you don’t believe in bank accounts, therefore have no credit.
B. Please have a picture of that huge fish you caught – that is legit the quickest way to get The Digits.
III. Shirtless pictures only. Bonus points if your face is not visible.
4. Please "Prefer not to say" in response to having a car. Because. Reasons.
V. Don’t forget to mention how REAL you are – because only real people do that.
Nice to have but not mandatory...
• Please wear sandals with socks – it shows you don’t conform to society’s standards of fashion.
• Claim to be from NY but you've been here since you were 4. Aight son!
• Please show off your guns (vets/active duty not included). Because the image of you shooting me is sexy AF.
• Must wear sunglasses at night – the moon is too bright & you’re just that cool.
• If you have gold teeth, I feel bad for you son – I got 99 problems, but toothpaste ain't one!!
If you took any of this seriously, then you need a helmet. Also, I don't understand if you prefer not to say whether you have a car. It's yes or no, n'est ce pas?
PS. Yes I'm open to all races. I'm about chemistry and mutual attraction.
PPS. Fellas. The middle finger is not cute. I don't know why anyone posting pics with their middle finger up is going to show ANYTHING positive about you. Please cease and desist that immediately. It's not cute. STOP.
PPPS. Last one, promise... it's ok to smile, guys. It's actually inviting and gives that approachable look. Mean mugging is not the business. You say you love to laugh in your profile, but you look like a killer in your pics?!? Just sayin...
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Picture it... Sometime in the land of Nope, we start the night at a dive bar and have 4 long island iced teas each, followed by a few shots of tequila (I would pay of course, gentlemen are pansies). Shoot some pool and of course when I win, I will talk sh!t about it and make you feel great about losing to a girl. Order hotdogs & fries while discussing President Cheeto and The First Eye Candy (you don't mind women who burp loudly, do you?). We could then go to Tootsies and you can buy me a lap dance cuz I'm just that cool!! But you may have to wait a bit, as I will be in the ladies rest room praying to the porcelain goddess and wishing I didn't drink so much. But after 3 bottles of water and a pep talk from the stripper who gave me the lap dance, we finish the night at a motel that charges by the hour. Thoughts?