Look, I'm a decent looking guy, that's fine. But why not just ask me out instead of playing all these silly games? All day long, I'm running into women of all sorts who just STARE at me shamelessly, through their EPV (extreme peripheral vision). You think I don't notice, but trust me, it's obvious. The young waitress at Applebee's?? Smiling at me, touching my shoulder and tossing her hair seductively with every refill of my drink?? FREAKIN ALL OVER ME!! Then I leave my customary 5% tip, and next time I come in she's even more obsessive, trying to play "hard to get" by avoiding my section completely. The older lady who approached me on Careerbuilder, who has her own business and is looking for people just like me to help her expand in the area???!?? Like I don't know what THAT'S all about!! I bet there's nothing she'd like more than for me to expand in her "area"!! The well-endowed blonde bartender with the wedding ring.. who calls me "Hun" every time I order another captain and coke... YOU'RE MARRIED!!
Well, I've resorted to posting on the Internet, so I can use the anonymity to help mask my amazing looks and irresistible charm. But no doubt some of my internet stalkers will find me anyways, offering to let me see them "live 24/7" showering with their sorority sisters. If you can approach me with confidence so we don't have to play these silly games, I'd love to hear from you.
P.S. hope you made it to the end and laughed once at least