RELATIONSHIP NEEDS ASSESSMENT

The following is a shortened version of the Relationship Needs Assessment that this user has elected to share.

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. Your answer pattens suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“Are you the type of person who feels lonely easily? Please explain and share some past experiences of how you coped well or did not cope well”

"When it comes to the time a couple spends together, is quality more important than quantity in your opinion?"

“When you’ve been away from a partner for any length of time, how have you filled that time and found personal fulfillment?”


Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner – but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time. People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partner’s feelings will change. For this reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the relationship is taken to progressive levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? – and if you could do any of it over, what would you do?”

“How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting?”

“What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship?”


Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. You have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self and a sense of accomplishment. It seems you are acutely aware – but accepting – of your strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, you likely feel that people who are important in your life understand you. But people in your scoring range tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. You probably have a strong sense of control over your life and are decisive in managing it. You are also probably very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, your family, friends and acquaintances may often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. Bottom line: you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not?”

“Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain”

“Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed?”


Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”

“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”

Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”


Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”

“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”

“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”


Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain”

“Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways?”

“In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it?”


Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?”

“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

“Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?”


Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain”

“If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person?”

“How do you feel about the notion that ‘common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust’?”


Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there?”

“Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?”

“Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone’s affection?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Physical Touch received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need to be touched. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just physical contact – such as frequent tickles, constantly holding hands, public hugs and kisses or light touches as s/he passes by.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“How do you flirt physically with a partner and how often do you like to?”

“Do you like to act like a kid and playfully wrestle or have a tickle or pillow fight with a partner?”

“How comfortable are you with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) and which kinds?”


About
This test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, To read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.