RELATIONSHIP NEEDS ASSESSMENT

The following is a shortened version of the Relationship Needs Assessment that this user has elected to share.

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire – and perhaps even demand – a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner’s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship?”

“Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (‘Public Displays of Affection’) “

“On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or not?”


Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner – but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time. People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partner’s feelings will change. For this reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the relationship is taken to progressive levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? – and if you could do any of it over, what would you do?”

“How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting?”

“What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship?”


Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“Do people need to fish for compliments from you, or are you the kind of person who frequently gives spontaneous acknowledgements and praise to others?”

“What are the most important responsibilities in a friendship?”

“Do you think success in life is largely a matter of good organization or largely a matter of luck?”


Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?”

“What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner?”

“Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some personal business?”


Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”

“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”

“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”


Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are generally strong across all of these basic elements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome that is best for the relationship. In fact, a defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is the capacity to relinquish their control and pride for the greater good and growth of the relationship. Bottom line: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“In your past relationships, have you felt responsible for your partner’s well being? Explain”

“Is it the case that you can not be happy unless you place your partner’s happiness before your own?”

“What sort of things or situations would you not endure for the sake of your partner or relationship?”


Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?”

“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

“Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?”


Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic on the inside and a realist on the outside.” This means that you value very highly both the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love and the excitement and passion of Romantic Love. You desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. You are a clearly a hybrid, and someone who probably views love as a transcendent thing. That is, you regard true love as a precious and rare state that must be nurtured to grow and thrive. Most people in this scoring range believe that a passionate sex life is not the most important factor in a stable and satisfying relationship. Rather, a relationship must be nurtured with acceptance and compete connectedness with a partner – a couple building and possessively protecting their “own world.” Bottom line: You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“If a partner professed that s/he would do almost anything for you, would you see that as healthy or unhealthy love?”

“When you are separated from a partner, does the rest of the world often seem dull and unsatisfying?”

“Do you think that a person must have great confidence in his/her partner’s judgment in order for the relationship to work?”


Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there?”

“Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?”

“Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone’s affection?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Verbal Communication received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need Verbal Communication. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just verbal expressions such as spontaneous compliments, frequent “I love you’s,” occasional notes for you to find and recognition of your achievements.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Is it important for you to hear ‘I love you’ every time you talk to your significant other?”

“Do people typically have to fish for compliments from you?”

“Do you like to exchange emails with your partner during the day… or talk for long periods on the phone when apart?”


About
This test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, To read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.