RELATIONSHIP NEEDS ASSESSMENT

The following is a shortened version of the Relationship Needs Assessment that this user has elected to share.

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”

“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”

“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”


Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are very comfortable with being intimate and vulnerable with a partner. However, your desire for emotional closeness and security puts you at some risk for disclosing too much, too soon when a relationship is newly developing. People like you have big hearts and an impressive openness to your partner. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably feel very uncomfortable – and even guilty – if there were any secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you regard your lover as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is typically no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with this person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. You are willing to act on the belief that your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Therefore, you are probably not deterred in taking the risks associated with being vulnerable on all levels. Bottom line: you need someone who believes and acts on the belief that the intimacy of a relationship is sacred.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“Under what circumstances do you think it is okay for someone to discuss details of his/her relationship with family or friends?”

“What type of issues would you talk to your friends or family about before sharing with your partner?”

“Do you think couples should have access to each other’s bank accounts, email accounts, calendars and basically all personal information?”


Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?”

“Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “

“What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?”


Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to be happy and content in your life. This is an excellent foundation for a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They can connect well with others with effective relationship and dating skills, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you appear to be looking for a relationship to complement your life, not to fulfill or “complete” it. You probably have a lot to offer a partner, as long as you do not set unrealistic expectations for that person or the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“How do you personally define success in life?”

“In what ways do your relationships with your children, ex-partner/spouse, siblings, parents and extended family interfere with having the life and relationship that you want?”

“How would you describe your requirements for a romantic partner?”


Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you have the necessary foundation for strong emotional intelligence. People in this scoring range enjoy the learning opportunities of most challenges and are not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. It is brave to show this level of vulnerability to others. Therefore, it is not surprising that you are sensitive to and accepting of other people’s expressions of vulnerability. For example, you can likely sense when someone feels troubled before being told. However, your sensitivity has limits. Most in this scoring range are neither comfortable nor patient with all expressions of emotion. They also are not keenly aware of all of the types of nonverbal signs that people send out nor are they always cognizant of how their own behavior impacts others. It is likely that you seek for others to understand you, rather than you seek to understand others. Bottom line: you need someone who seeks to understand you, thereby accepting an equal share of responsibility in maintaining open and honest communication in the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Do you tend to ask your romantic partner questions when you suspect s/he is upset, or is it more comfortable for you simply to allow them space to work it out alone?”

“Do you prefer to talk through issues in the heat of the moment, or approach your partner after you have had time to cool off and think about how best to explain what is on your mind?”

“Which sounds like a more appealing way to spend some free time: going out to see friends with your partner or staying alone at home with your partner talking about each other?”


Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are strongest in the areas of Viewing Conflict as Positive (as learning opportunities); Clarifying Perceptions; Noting Needs; Drawing on Power of a Positive Partnership; and Developing Doables or stepping stones for actions. This all suggests that you are very action-oriented when addressing problems. Rather than avoid conflict, you seem to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome. Your definition of positive outcomes, however, may not always agree with your partner’s definition. For example, in eagerness to find what appears to be a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict rather than settling for a temporary agreement, you may focus on meeting your needs while unwittingly downplaying or minimizing whether your partner’s needs have been met as well. Furthermore, people in this scoring range do not consistently consider the Proper Atmosphere when addressing relationship problems. That is, you may neither consistently arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting nor choose your opening statement carefully to establish positive yet realistic expectations. Bottom line: you need someone who is calm, cool and collected and who is willing to address issues spontaneously and through intense, action-oriented debates and discussions.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“Would you describe yourself as a rapid thinker? Explain”

“When you become frustrated at not being able to figure out the solution to a problem, does that make you work even harder to solve it? Explain”

“On a typical day, would you describe yourself as a person who likes frequent change? Explain”


Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a fairly good sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. In fact, people in this range are characterized sexually as liking the focus on themselves and maintaining control. This does not mean that you are not concerned with satisfying your partner; indeed you can be quite passionate. It simply means that you probably put your own sexual needs first more often than not. Those sexual needs are perhaps best described as fairly conservative compared to most other people, yet you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are likely open to try various activities as long as they sound appealing to you. Therefore, you may be less inclined to new experiences if they are only intended to please your partner. You tend to be open when talking to your partner about your needs, and you certainly tend not to be self conscious in the bedroom itself. For people in this range, sex can be casual, but they strive for it to be always fun and romantic. Bottom line: you need someone who sees sex as romantic and fun and especially who will like to be submissive to your sexual desires.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“Do you think you have a stronger sex drive than most people?”

“Where do you think most of your ideas and values about sex originated?”

“If you felt safe, do you think you would do almost anything to please your partner sexually?”


Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.” This means that you do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus, people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born. Bottom line: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“Do you believe that the best kind of love grows out of strong friendship?”

“In your opinion, how can a couple overcome differences on issues like religion, ethnicity, politics or social class?”

“When it comes to a romantic partner, how would define someone who is unusually well adjusted?”


Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to the gift of Time. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection and show you are a priority by spending time with you – such as simply talking and cuddling at home, taking leisurely strolls outside or extended road trips.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Have you ever taken off work early to spend some special with your partner or a loved one?”

“Have past partners consistently complained that you would frequently call to say you were running late for a date?”

“How much alone time during the week do you need with a partner to feel satisfied?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of affection – such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”

“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”

“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”


About
This test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, To read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.