There is about one year until the election that will decide the next President of the U.S.A. The person elected will be the President of all Americans, not just Democrats or Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we come together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support Trump
Good one! An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A battle is raging inside me ... it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee replied: "The one you feed."
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” ...in memory of MY ex#@!%$!*#!
NEW UNIVERSITY STUDY (VERY INTERESTING & SHORT)A study worth sharing with friends both male and female: UNSW's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected
Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!
'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'
The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?'
'Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?' 'Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog. would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?' 'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?'
The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish Sausage?'
The clerk replied, 'Because you're in Home Depot'.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Power of the Badge
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"...Your badge. Show him your BADGE! "
Little Johnny: One night little Johnny wakes up from a bad dream and runs into his parents bedroom finding his mom and dad bent over going at it hot and heavy. In horror he runs from the room. When they finished mom says, "You better go check on little Johnny." So the dad goes downstairs to find little Johnny has Grandma bent over, going at it. Little Johnny looks over to his horrified dad and says, "NOT SO FUNNY WHEN ITS Y-O-U-R MOM, IS IT?" Robin Williams used this one in his latest HBO special...I wonder if he got it from me...
A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also blond. The blond officer asked to see the blond driver's License. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?' she finally asked.
'It's square and it has your picture on it,' replied the policewoman. The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'