UPDATE::::::: I FINALLY FOUND WONDERFUL GIRL. NOT ONLY DOES SHE MAKE ME HAPPY AND PUT UP WITH MY ORNERINESS BUT I ALSO GOT 3 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS WITH THE PACKAGE AND I COULD NOT BE ANY PROUDER. NOW I SPEND MY TIME THINKING OF DEVIOUS WAYS TO RUN OFF BOYS WHO WANT TO DATE MY OLDEST GIRL.
I WOULD STILL LOVE TO CHAT WITH THE FRIENDS I HAVE MADE HERE THOUGH SO SHOOT ME A MESSAGE.
OK SO LETS GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU READ MY PROFILE.
#1 IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION FOR A RECTAL EXAM TO PULL THE STICK OUT OF YOUR a*** BECAUSE ILL BE VERY BLUNT AND UP FRONT WITH YOU. YOU EITHER LIKE ME OR YOU DON'T. JUST DONT BASE YOUR DECISION ON A FEW WORDS BEFORE YOU GET TO KNOW THE REAL ME FIRST.
#2 YOU ARE NO BETTER THEN ANYONE ELSE. YOU EAT, SLEEP, FART AND MOST LIKELY SLOBBER ON THE PILLOW.
#3 I AM HERE TO MEET NEW PEOPLE, MAKE SOME OF YOU LAUGH, MAKE A FEW NEW FRIENDS AND BASICALLY FIGHT BOREDOM SINCE I CAN NOT FIND A MIDGET PORN SITE THAT I REALLY LIKE. SO BUCK UP LIL CAMPER AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.
#4 I DON'T WANT TO STALK YOU THATS TO DAMN LABOR INTENSIVE AND WOULD WORK INTO MY QUEST FOR THE ULTIMATE PRANK. AND NO MATTER WHAT MY EX THINKS RESTRAINING ORDERS ARE NOT A WAY TO SAY I LOVE YOU.
#5 I AM AN AVID SUPPORTER OF CHILDRENS ORGANIZATIONS SO PLEASE DONATE TO YOUR LOCAL SHRINERS OR CHILDRENS HOSPITAL.
#6 YOU HAVE TO GAIN RESPECT NOT DEMAND IT.
Ok now for a listing of some of my antics and pranks I like to play.
#1 When staying in a hotel that has the TV remote bolted to the night stand I drag the whole thing down to the front desk and tell the clerk I need new batteries.
#2 I enjoy placing confetti cannons in the front yard during holloween and setting them off when the kids walk thru the yard . Imagine a scene out of the movie Saving Private Ryan with kids scattering all over hell.
#3 During deer season they have this thing called a butt out in the sports section at WalMart. I take the thing and place it next to the hemmoroid creme in the pharmacy section just to see if anyone notices it .. Great for a few laughs when old people notice it.
#4 During Black Friday I made it a point to tell everyone in line that the employees where hiding a pallet of the latest sale item in the back so they could purchase it later on. I have never seen a store manager run so fast in my life.
#5 I like going to Home Depot and sitting on the display toilets and act like I am trying to squeeze out a butt pickle the size of Texas. Works great when you have on sweat pants and they can't tell you have shorts on under them.
#6 On New Years Eve or in the general time frame I love to set off a 50 pound brick of firecrackers on my sister in laws front porch.. 14 years and she still don't know its me.
#7 I have my very own product line of fake turds that I sell. Great lil gift box for an ex boss, ex spouse or anyone you just can't stand. I even sent one to Obama for someone.
#8 my all time favorite thing to do is change the neighbors TV with my universal remote at 3 am .. Had one neighbor send her big screen back to Best Buy 5 times because she thought it was broke. Felt kind of bad the delivery guys had to carry the thing down 3 flights of stairs though.
#9 Going to the grocery store where they have live lobsters in the tank and removing the rubber bands off their claws then asking the kid behind the meat counter to get me one ..
STUFF THAT I HAVE GOTTEN IN TROUBLE FOR
#1 Stole a beer truck when I was 12 .. My dad was so mad he almost didn't come get me because it wasn't his brand.
#2 Got severly beat by my mom for duct taping cardboard wings to my brothers Big Wheel and pushing him off the garage roof 3 times .. She gave me no credit for making him wear a helmet and football pads..
#3 Spray painted all the neighbor kids new bikes with gold paint when I was 9. This was the year mom decided to invest in a commercial grade Rubbermaid Spatula.
#4 Talked my lil brother into sticking a screwdriver into the high voltage box of the television. I told him my dad wanted him to help him fix the thing..
#5 At my cousin sherrys wedding reception I stole sips from everyones drinks and got so shnockered that I passed out under the table when I was 8.This is when I found out that I detested stuffed cabbage rolls after my dad made it a point to feed em to me while sporting a huge hangover.
FAVORITE THINGS TO DO AT CHRISTMAS.
#1 Watch the look on my moms face when she opens up her gift and realizes all she got was brochures to nursing homes.
#2 Give my sister in-law a Slim Fast gift box
#3 Give my brother a phonebook with everything ripped out except for the numbers to divorce lawyers.
#4 Give my Nephew any obnooxious and loud gift I can get my grubby lil hands on. This includes a bullhorn, drum set, electric guitar and 150 watt amp, paintball gun and this year I am thinking firecrackers. Or maybe more legos since I know my brother and sister in-law never watch where they are walking and step on them when the stunble out of bed in the morning.
Yes I am very ornery but I enjoy the life that I have.. I have everything and everyone I want to make me happy.
THINGS ABOUT ME
#1 I maybe ornery but I do have a serious side when needed.
#2 I always look out for my friends.
#3 I am very family oriented and always call my mom or talk to her at least 3 times a week.
#4 It maybe hard to believe but yes I am a Republican and I am very proud to admit it. I did not jump on the Obama bandwagon just to make history like everyone else wanted. I chose to see the guy for who he was and based my decision on that.
#5 I love to argue politics with hippies to the point they get so mad that all the anti violence rhetoric they spew goes right out the door just to prove how hypocritical they really are.
#6 I like working with my hands. I love working with sheet metal and building windchimes.
#7 If you ask me a question be prepared for an answer .You might not like it but you will get a straight answer.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT CARRY A JAIL SENTENCE ....