-for an election lasting more than 4 hours
"Witty and entertaining." - NY TIMES
Best Singles Ad Headline Ever Award (2014)
"You: fussy pun. Me: cunning linguist."
The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what may seem elusive but is attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for heightened attention, surprise, and excitement.
Romance is when a woman has woman-power over a man, and to her delight becomes the most important thing to him.
Hi, I'm a lighthearted hiker, skier, mountain biker, former athlete, easy to talk to, photography and wildflower buff, trained/experienced masseur, with custom table and dedicated climate controlled space, for the best date ever. lol Leo: bold, passionate, sensual, feline.
I'm like the fun free-spirited stressless date that is halfway between a vacation from your everyday life and a luxurious personal spa session. :) Life pulls you apart, massage puts you back together again.
If you tell yourself "It's time now to put myself first...", TLC and "me time" is the gift a woman gives herself. Because happy girls are the prettiest.
You: Personable, healthy, pleasant, good communication skills.
Me: ditto; speaks sexual innuendo fluently
"Boys my age just don't know how to handle a woman like me! I'm told my crazy factor is only at a 4 and my fun factor is at least a 7. I can be fiesty at times and need someone who can keep up and be able to keep me on my toes."
You: About a 1-3 and 4-5 on the two scales, but wanting to up your score(s), though an occasional challenge can be nice.
I'm actually really old-fashioned and prefer the ancient Sugar/Spice scale; with more of the latter and not too much of the former. Note: that's a zero on the Sour scale. No Negative Nancy's. If it wasn't fun I wasn't there. Happy apples only.
Chinese women now get to have two husbands (maybe you heard) but women here
have to make do and get by with only minimal care and attention in that department
-- unless they're lucky -- because there's only so much Colonel Ingus to go around.
So chill and don't h8 if I missed your special snowflakeness in the local avalanche.
Data. You want data? Of course you want numbers...
Ages of the last thirty who have shown an interest in Colonel Ingus:
50 29 40 39 41 43 44 36 48 43 24 43 47 45 56 47 43 46 27 42 35 48 28 27 46 32 29 45 32 39
Mean: 39.8 years - 80% range: 28½ to 49 years, with 4 younger, 2 older
So, basically, all women. Meaning: no, you're not weird at all.
Like the song says, don't get weird on me, babe.
Smart savvy confident women are intrigued and excited, the rest intimidated. Action is what makes things happen.
Quantity plus selectivity equals dreamboat-amongst-the-shipwrecks quality.
My priority? Titanic rules prevail, so it's newbies, beginners, and bikini sunbathers first, and after that every woman for herself.
Either way, kiss Sleeping Beauty goodbye.
Or should I say K.I.S.S.?
Keep It Simple, Silly.
If you can get one thing out of a date or relationship you're way ahead of the curve.
Kissing trivia: 97% of women close their eyes while kissing, as opposed to only 30% of men.
Androgens (male hormones) present in saliva cause a kiss to deliver an instant biochemical charge, since a woman has less of these to begin with.
Especially if you're past your mid-30's you need testosterone to maintain vital hormonal balance. It is both an energizer and fat eater, the only specific weight loss approach that actually works around and below your belly button. "I felt more relaxed, happier in my body than I had my whole life" and "If anything, 'T' may be a source of calmness, contentedness, and friendliness". Incidentally, this is the reason most women find b.o.b. (battery operated boyfriend) unsatisfying after little experimentation; it's like sugar- and caffeine-free diet cola compared to the real thing. You want a man who understands how and why you want a man.
Younger? Colonel Ingus is the surefire simple cure for 'nuffy pipples'. Four or five 45 minute to 1 hour sessions.
You don't want to be the girl who goes back to school in the Fall and has to explain to everyone "Colonel Ingus came calling, but I scared him off...". Ask your friends. Ask your mom. Ask your mom's friends and your friends' moms. lol -don't need to be your whole world, just your favorite part. :)
And if you don't look like your photo when we meet, you have to buy me drinks until you do. So you think "No man would ever... especially after just meeting (would he?)..."... I double dare you in advance, since I love a surprise challenge, practicing random feats of kindness for Team Woman, as well as proving skeptics wrong.
I like to avoid first date unpleasantness by not having them and instead zipping off together to Disneyland, where you used to get a book with tickets for ten or a dozen rides, not just one. This also takes all the pressure off the first one having to be the best, which you wouldn't want anyway. And no one's having to audition for a second or third. This is one of several dating calmly and how-to-be-outrageously-successful-with-the-other-s-e-x techniques I like. Plus, practice makes perfect.
After that we'll know each other a lot better, have had a ton of fun, and can decide whether to stay another day or go off and try something else. Friends last, you know. Fortune cookie say: the only rose without a thorn is friendship.
Always be sure to take a masseur with you out sight-seeing, hiking, camping, to the festival, etc. :)
Do u looney ur bean? lol Fish fry days, four; big brown sofa, wear red. If you dare!
This is probably the place to say that even though natural kitty fur is the best, if Sleeping Beauty has grown a bit wild I reserve the right to give her a shampoo and trim - which can be a fun date all by itself (lol), especially if you've never had a regular personal barber before to keep you feeling like a new woman.
If you're some distance from here but like to really get away from it all and travel for a few days, the chateau here doubles as a special retreat, basecamp, amusement park - for one. It has it's own guestroom w/private bath, it's very quiet and relaxing here (no cable, I-Net, or roommates). You're free to do as you like. I enjoy meeting you delightfully unique and quirky women from around the area. Plan in advance.
Please put this on your profile if you know anyone who's been eaten by sharks: