Previous headline: Only Good For One Thing...
-But if it's your thing, you're really gonna love this!
Factoid: For every 100 females age 18 & over in Montrose, there are only 87 males. (Wikipedia) After you subtract off the 80% who are married (or other) couples that leaves one available man for about every three women.
"If you find a man who likes to go down on you, treat him well; feed him caviar
and expensive brandy, and don't let your girlfriends catch a glimpse of him."
- Cynthia Heimel (author of the classic book "Sex Tips for Girls")
I'm that cool, fun, intelligent, very personable and decent-looking, rare, unattached guy with no ex-, kids, debt or other baggage. Likes kittens, skiing, hiking, old Monkey's songs, double espressos, pizza with anchovies, and red wine. Lots of other bonuses: I'm fully trained as a masseur, and have an extra-nice custom table. I give great bubblebaths too!
I'm looking for an unattached smart, considerate, fit & healthy feminine gal, one who knows how to take life in stride, has the enthusiasm of a woman just let out of prison, and is confident enough to be reasonably uninhibited about showing off and sharing their personality, for a FUN Date. Yea, like everyone else I'm looking for an action figure not a doll, a dreamboat amongst all the shipwrecks, someone w/some fizz still left in them.
Also, I have one of the cooler cars around: goes 175mph and zero to wet-your-pants in under 2 seconds; it has a 500 watt stereo, so I'm a big music fan (-used to be a DJ, when that meant playing vinyl on the radio). Nowadays I listen to electronic dance music @di.fm. If you get, or can get, multiple cargasms you'll love it all! Make you feel like a super-model. The car attracts small crowds everywhere, so I meet lots of people - am on POF to meet a very special, particular type of gal.
To a first approximation I look kinda like I could be the brother of Adam on "MythBusters" - that's what initially comes to mind - though I have more hair and a better bod. I've also been told I look like Tom Petty.
Please note: if you have the "must have picture..." filter active, those of us who have private pics cannot msg you until you message or favorite us.
Colonel Ingus - The FAQ
Q: So when you say "only good for one thing", is that because everything else is broken?
A: No, absolutely everything's working great. It's kindofa joke: since I'm rather many-sided and diverse in my interests; whatever I've really set myself to I almost always master and get pretty good at. Maybe you just had to be there when the original accusation was made to appreciate its hilariousness. One mutant, doing all he can to dispel the pernicious myth "Oh, men don't do that!". The bravest thing a man does is try and love a woman.
Q: What about reciprocation?
A: Nothing more for me, please.. It's about balancing out the karma, being a good sport and learning the true meaning of Christmas. My motto is: Find `em hot & bothered -- leave `em not!
Q: Should I shave?
A: Oh god no! Natural kitty fur is The Best. Meow!
Q: So how can I ask for this without asking for colonel-I-can't-even-say-it?
A: The way to be outrageously successful with the other sex is to suggest doing a specific activity together and arrange a time/place to do it. I.e., just say something like you'd really enjoy taking me downtown for dinner sometime.
Q: So, when you say "fit & healthy" you really mean no BBW's or fatties, right?
A: Every so often I'll see one who is intriguing - some big behinds/thighs I find stupendous. So try me. If you feel too fat for amour we could always put you on the sex, drugs, and rock `n roll diet as a last ditch. If you know your BMI, include it when you write; if you don't know it but would like to, send me all your sizes/measurements.
Q: What's up with the no photo?
A: The extra attention photos brought didn't seem worth it when I had them up. Most who strike up a conversation with me see one pretty quickly anyway, so it's not been a biggie.
Q: What's your policy on beginners?
A: First, yes, this is the antidote for chronic girlish lovesickness/romantic obsession... There are plenty of women who don't manage to ever work learning how to enjoy receiving, and benefit greatly from hands-on sex ed. Everyone has to begin right wherever they happen to be at the moment, so kiss Sleeping Beauty goodbye! With a fun coach - I was pretty good with what was largely a class full of beginners when I taught college. I always had one or two girls develop huge crushes on me, so I must've been doing something right (No, I wasn't teachin' them to master having 90-second big-O's.) Assertive women fantasize about submission, so don't be a wimpette: get in touch with your inner shameless hussy and lose your your e-messaging virginity today.
Q: Are you a player?
A: Yes, and so are you... Women 'play' men all the time, so 'player' is just a term of convenience. Best to drop the pretense and play on the same side: You never get better than the people you play with.
Q: Ok, I luv getting my little man taken care of good that way, but, but it can be so icky... what about STDs?
A: Believe it or not you're not the only one who knows how to keep it clean and friendly. For me, it comes down to exercising good judgement and being reasonably selective. It's pretty obvious when someone is a potential risk. Net: I've never even had a scare, so it all must be working okay for me and others.
Q: Old, young, blond, redhead...?
A: Simple: Testosterone also drives desire/libido levels in women; at 45 one has less than 1/4th as much as at age 20. Older women either stiffen into celibacy or become like yogic masters of dating flexibility, and this is the way to cope with post-marital spinsterhood dry spells: women can get a blast of you-make-me-feel-like-a-woman "T" by being kissed by a man (via saliva), especially if it's applied directly to the most highly affected areas. :>
Anyway, the more of the following the better: brains, glasses, bangs, freckles, tanlines and puffy nipples!
Q: Should I have some whipped cream in the fridge?
A: Rookie error! Not only is it a shock to apply cold, but when it quickly warms up to body temp it becomes a runny sticky mess, so there are way better things... for example, have you ever tried getting your love nubs high - with 'herbal' balm? :)
Keep sending `em in! It only seems a little kinky the first time.