I just got to Michigan after driving 1,500 miles. Took 18 hours. But now I am here!
As a man with relatively short stature, I find I have better luck in real life than dating online.
Such being the case, I'll divulge everything about myself in an effort to corner that niche market
of pansexuals who are primarily attracted to outgoing intelligent creative types.
In highschool I was a typical over achiever. An all "A" student who was good at sports.
I've had two jobs in my industry. One being an intern for 14/hour, the other entry level at 16/hour.
What am I doing now? Well, I am heading a team of 5 people.
And we've been working on a project for 16+ month now.
How much are we going to make?
Anywhere between 2,000 to 650,000.
Am I worried?
A little bit.
What do I look for in a woman?
Physical: Average to above average looks.
Mental: You must have aspirations, goals, and a good work ethic.
Our personality is the sum of those we surround ourselves with.
I am crazy, energetic, and ambitious. And you need to be compatible with that.
Something casual. Gymnastics, skating, origami, tea with the mad hatter.
Something that avoids the awkward silences that can be present when you
are first acclimating to a new person.
Since you've already met me and can now be re-assured I am not a psychopath,
maybe a trip to visit my awesome tire swing. Or a picnic in the woods.
Or, some other type of adventure. Maybe help me fix my fort by the railroad
tracks that has been recently inhabited by bums...
Maybe... Help me steal a recycling bin and put it in said bum fort and see
if those bums are considerate enough to NOT throw their beer cans all over
the place when the proper receptacle has been provided.
I take you out to dinner. Because after the second date you are worried
that I am a cheap-ass because I fed you picnic food.
Three, being the minimum needed to create a pattern, means that I have now
been labeled as that guy who "does too much for you and does not give you a
chance to reciprocate". Understanding this, I grant you the honor of cooking
for me. If said cooking ends up unpalatable by either party, Chinese food is on you.
I feel remorse for using you as a cooking slave. So I offer you a back massage at
no charge to relieve the stress of cooking for someone you barely know. Maybe
we make out. Maybe you fall asleep on me because I am just that good at making you
I convince you to get in a hot tub with me. I convince you that it is good for
alleviating stress on your spine. You know whats really going on in my head and
show up in a 1950's style 1-piece bathing suit instead of the 2-peice I expected.
I see that I've been foiled and ask if I am allowed to grope you as a consolation prize.
From that point on I expect either excellent chemistry or an awkward conversation about
the non-existant weather in the night sky.