Found him. Peace out, fishes.
My name is Shilo. Yes... it's my real name.
Here is a list as to why I'm a stellar girlfriend.
I have hella cute underwear.
I won't drag you shopping with me.
I will scratch your back.
I will not move into your apartment the first chance I get.
I won't steal food out of your plate after ordering a salad.
I won't order a salad.
I have all my shots.
I play guitar and sing and will do both for you simultaneously.
I will hide around corners and try to scare you in the dark of the night.
I will end up scaring myself and you'll have to calm me down.
I won't get mad if you call me dude. [Even during sex.]
I will sneak out of the bed and brush my teeth before you get up so we can have hygenic morning sex. [I might drop a mint into yours. Don't choke.]
I won't nag you when you watch sports.
I keep my toes painted and looking cute.
I have excellent spelling and grammar.
I watch Family Guy, The Simpsons, South Park, etc.
I give heart-felt [sometimes homemade] gifts.
I don't hold grudges.
I will love your penis.
I always smell good. [Well, almost always.]
I listen to pretty much everything.
I know what makes the rocking world go round.
I'll lay naked in bed with you.
My bed isn't overstuffed with furry animals. [Except my dog Bowser, but she's real.]
I give supreme oral.
It turns me on when you work on your car.
I'm not opposed to having a hump-session anytime anywhere.
I like you to poke me in the butt in the morning.
You can pee while I'm brushing my teeth.
I can cook like it's going out of style.
I won't ever cheat.
I laugh like there's no tomorrow.
I will hold you when you need it.
I listen when you need to talk.
I will be your date to anything that you need. [Even that monster car rally, you hick.]
I will remember your birthday. [And circle it on my calendar.]
I don't care what we are doing as long as its with you.
You will always look hot as hell to me first thing in the morning.
I'll initiate sex.
Your dog/cat can sleep with us at night.
I only need to see you 2-3 times a week.
I only need a 2-10 minute phone call everyday. [To make sure you're okay. I worry!]
I will hang out in your clothes to keep your smell close to me.
I won't put girlie things into your bathroom/shower/room.
I keep myself well dressed and groomed. [For the most part.]
I won't burden you with my PMS problems.
I brush my teeth 2x a day.
I'll never kick you in the crotch on purpose.
I won't make fun of your manhood. [In public.]
I take exactly one hour from wake up to car to get ready.
I can operate a fire extinguisher.
I would rather see an epic movie than a chick flick.
I foot the bill sometimes.
I love surprises.
Any present, big or small, will make me happy because I know that you were thinking about me.
I pay my own bills.
I don't want to marry you right now.
I'll let you hug me even when you are sweaty.
I don't eat pizza with a fork and knife.
I won't go out all night without letting you know and let you freak out.
I'll call when I say I will. [Or text in lieu of calling if I'm still occupied.]
Your wallet, car and house don't impress me.
I have a rack that I will shamelessly display for you. [It's not big, but it's mine.]
I don't hog blankets. [Okay, I'm lying there.]
I can burp a couple of letters.
I can carry a conversation for longer than 30 seconds.
I won't go through your drawers or try to get into your cellphone/email.
I will put notes in random places for you to find when I'm not there.
I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm.
I always put the cap back on the toothpaste.
I'll wait for you even if you're late.
I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking.
I suck at strip poker.
I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving.
I won’t bite unless you want me to.
I will cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching TV.
I won’t swear around your family.
If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair.
I'll make you laugh.
I will never drink your last beer.
I pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs.
I'll always be impressed with how strong you are.
I'll take care of you when you're sick.
I can give a kick ass back rub.
I don't care if you leave the seat up.
I don't give a sh*t if I break a nail.
I don't eat crackers in bed.
I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard.
I'll save everything you ever give me.
I've never been on America's Most Wanted.
I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue.
I don't care if you leave your socks on.
I will let you play all the video games you want. [And ? you more if you do the same for me.]
I'd never give you sh*t in front of your friends.
I will help you find your keys.
I eat red meat.
My family is just as ****ed up as yours.
I don't litter.
When I can I give to charity.
I can be ready in 10 minutes or less, if need be.
I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday.
I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies.
I understand if you get jealous.
Flowers will get you laid every time.
If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute. [If I correct you, I'm trying to help.]
I don't care if you eat off my plate.
When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet.
I know how to get stains out of shirts.
This is what would make YOU stellar.
Someone who will hold my hand in public, and always smell good, and not complain that I don't make much money, and give me the feeling that I can do anything, and tell me I'm good-looking, and make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, and find it endearing rather than annoying that I like rotary telephones, and make me feel like I'm going places, and not be a straight edge but have a moral opposition to excessive smoking and drinking, and never stay mad at me for too long, and make the coffee at least 50% of the time, and watch the occasional episode of Prison Break with me, and let me borrow his favorite big sweater sometimes, and not talk about his ex-girlfriends all that often, and write me silly notes sometimes, and give me back rubs on occasion, and not get mad when I call him when I'm drunk, and not get scared if I get a little attached, and not consider it a wasted day if we never get out of bed, and not get mad that I never remember the rules to poker, and make me feel better
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
First date, eh... I'm surprised you even made it this far into my profile. Good game.
Use your imagination, I'm not too hard to please. Teach me something new! If you think you have a better idea, feel free to enlighten me... But not dinner/movie/drinks. Come on, you can do better than that.