My strength has the strength of ten because my heart is pure.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
I want a lady who likes to smile. She doesn't have to paint her lips. I know she has lips. Nor does she need to inject them with stuff to make them look fuller. She should understand I am aware of her lips and appreciate her lips and the rest of her as well. She doesn't have to use a lot of make-up. However, she should know I appreciate it; the effort. I'm also aware she doesn't do it for me. I'll just say I enjoy what is in her eyes much more than what's around them. Los ojos hablan mucho.
I like a lady who is confident and has a career. She does some kind of work out. She likes to wear jeans instead of kackies. I'm not sure if I spelled that right. I can spell really well. She'll let me slide if I misspell things.
I like to walk and talk and get to know her. I will even dance. I tend to joke around. So, my dancing is never the same. I like slow dancing too. I'm a romantic. I know any situation can be fun with the right attitude.
My girl will not use the word "holla." Aside from the fact that it doesn't fit, It's initial use is seriously wrong. It should be stricken from the english language. She should not use the word "so" incorrectly; "I'm so not going to do that" This is so wrong; needs to stop. I'm guessing that Gwen Stefani means she isn't willing to holla (short for holler; slang for call as in phone call) a man back after some type of meeting. This, I believe, means she's proclaiming that she is not interested in pursuing a relationship. She's too cool for that. This explains part of problem with the word "holla." Thank-you for your cooperation.
My girl has a sense of humor and knows when I'm joking around. I played my guitar and sang at a local church a few years ago. I didn't bond or really click with anyone. But it was good. I learned new chords. No one yelled at me. So, I must have been in tune. I did it for God. That is the important part. No lightening bolts came down exclaiming i was out of tune. So, I had that going for me. I used a tuner. My guitar has great intonation; even in alternate tunings. Yes, even alternate tunings. It doesn't matter if u know what that means. Just go along with it and be impressed. It's a good thing. mmkay?
Dinner, talking, a walk, a dance. I won't step on your toes. Nor will I spill anything intentionally. If you tell any jokes, I will laugh. I have a really good fake laugh. This will prove I care. You are not required to fake laugh at me or my jokes. Don't u hate fake people? I'm just kidding. Yup. Yep. Yeow. I might say the word "yeow" on our date. This will be something to anticipate. If and when I do say it, just smile along. This simply means I'm happy. The correct response is to look impressed. I don't say it that much. So, it's a positive moment for you to be happy as well. No need to look at me like I'm crazy. I'm normal. A helpful tip for you is to hope I say it. I don't just say it at the drop of a hat. I will reassure often through out the date by reminding you that I'm normal. You feel better already don't you? When you get confused during the date, I'll be right there to guide you and anwser your questions. If you have something on your face, I won't laugh. I'll controll my laughter keeping it to my self. After I have laughed quietly to myself long enough, I promise to let you know that you've something on your face. Whether you choose to wipe your face or not is entirely up to u. I'll offer you that option. I'm generous. Aw heck, I'll wipe your face if you can't get it. Shucks. How come nobody says, "Shucks" anymore? It's probably for the best. It had a good run.
I fixed a broken shower drain. It does not leak. So, I've that going for me. I own a tool belt. I look ok in it. I would not wear that on a date unless I was asked. I don't get many requests to wear my tool belt. Thank-you for wondering about that.
Thinking is not always so easy. I think it's why so few do it. What do ya think?
Another crucial guideline you all must follow: You shall not fantacise about any other men unless you clear it with me first. The following list of already approved men include: Matt Damon, Matt is cool. I like those bourne movies. Also, he does an amazingly funny imitation of Mathew Mconahey who is not acceptable. (You must absolutely never ever think of him. He's evil; much more so than John Tesh or even Yanni. His washer board abs are merely a ploy to make you think he's ok. He is not). George Clooney is ok but only at certain times and with his shirt on only. Keeanu Reeves is acceptable but only with short hair and his shirt must also be on. That's all for now. It was not easy for me to make this list. Please don't attempt to add to it. You don't have the aptitude for it. You're just a woman, after all. What could you possibly know about such things? Better leave the tough work for a man. I have spoken.