Here for the forums.
Proudly scaring the hell out of men since 1978.
My goal is to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, God and Satan both shudder & say..."Oh shit....she's awake!!"
If one isn't slightly cynical, one just isn't paying attention. Some people see the glass as half empty, others as half full. I am reserving judgement until I know what the hell is in the glass. In view of this, I now make all important decisions using the Magic 8 ball.
Yes, I think Nascar is the most incredibly moronic "sport" (and I use that term loosely...) in the universe.
Please do not send me a note that says something trite, or yet worse, crass. I will give you examples so you will know what to avoid:
"Hi, my name is _____ and I think you are real sexy. Want to chat sometime? P.S. Nice tits."
"Ur profiel lokos real kewl, we knead to tawk."
"Babe, wat is ur bra size?"
"U r hot"
"Do u liek Nascar?"
"Do you like younger guys?"
"are you 420 friendly?"
Note, these are actually copied from messages I have gotten. Names were omitted to protect the perverse and illiterate. I hope these are helpful to you.
I do not cyber, cam, or phone. Having actually had sex before, I find this sort of activity to be quite silly. Don't even try it.
I am an atheist. I have a black belt in sarcasm.
Please, if you don't "get" Monty Python, do not bother to contact me. You will never understand a lot of my cultural references.
If I add you as a favorite, it is more than likely that you have said something I found completely hilarious or insightful in the forums. Do not imagine that I am looking at pictures of you and masturbating. I am merely stalking you in the forums and mean you no harm. Well, not much anyway.
I clean the chaff out of my favorites list on a regular basis. A lot of guys were adding me to their favorites that never talk to me. I have this severe delusion that the whole is more than the sum of the parts. So, if you add me to your favorites list and you are male and have not contacted me first, you may rest assured that when I am a sassy mood (and you should just assume that I am)...that a truly terrifying testimonial may randomly be assigned to your profile. As an example:
______ is a great guy, and looks very sexy in a black bra and panties. He keeps trying to steal my shoes and handbags, but at least he can put on makeup. It is disconcerting when your man looks better in lingerie than you do.
______ is a repulsive pervert with that likes young boys, however since being removed from the priesthood he is genuinely trying to give up molesting young boys, and you have to applaud an effort like this.
How you express yourself says a lot about you as a person. Communication is the tool that we use to get through any relationship, regardless of what sort of relationship it is. Spelling, correct grammar and good manners mean a lot to me. Use both of them with flair and you cannot fail anywhere in life. This being said, I am always available for proofreading services should you need them and am very obliging. Extra brownie points for submissions in Haiku or Limerick form. As we progress, small symphonic compositions are always appreciated. Please capitalize the letters that should be. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse. Truth be told, I am not a big e.e. cummings fan.
Several people of both genders have asked about my screen name, so I shall clear that up right now. It's the nickname my kids gave me because I usually wear black and boss them around a lot. This does not mean that I carry a strap on and a whip. Well, not usually. You have to pay extra for that.
Something that has come to my attention recently:
By all indicators, I have the worst possible taste in men. If I like you, then rest assured there is something really wrong with you. If I am hitting on you, immediately seek the help of a qualified mental health professional. I have a referral list if you need one. If I fall in love with you, then you are obviously suffering from a severe personality disorder. Well, you aren't suffering from it, but your friends and family most certainly are. You probably haven't noticed yet, so I am including this to you as one of the many services carefully wrought with intense sarcasm that I provide on a daily basis to anyone who asks.
If I should propose, just kill yourself now. Save the rest of us the time and energy. You can thank me later.
I am not crazy, well, maybe just a bit, enough to make life interesting. No presenting personality disorders, no pathological gambling, no manias, no paraphilias, no wild unpredictable mood swings. Just a few garden variety neuroses. I love to discuss politics, religion, philosophy, poetry, art, music, the periodic table of condiments that occasionally go bad, or anything that stimulates the mind and keeps it limber. I am comfortable in my own skin, and also enjoy wearing the flesh of other people who have truly irritated me. Oh. I did not mean to type that. Do excuse me.
I watch Food Network like it's porn.
Yes, merlot is for pansies. Merlot is what you add to bad wine to make it drinkable. Then, you have a "blend."
I am the kind of girl that loves poetry, romantic long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick.
I am very outgoing and always 100% honest about what I think on any subject. There will be never be any holding back. When I need to say something, I do it. If you don't want honesty, run away now. Run away fast, and hope you can outrun me and that I do not have a large stick. I ask for the same. If you are demented and twisted, with the sort of sense of humor that garners curious looks from others, well, we will likely be friends forever.
If you know how to use a slide rule, I will find you irresistible.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Hmmm, first I would make you a sammich and bring you a beer. Then proceed to perform the lap dance of the seven veils. You don't believe this? Then you are very wise, my friend.
If you like board games, you are a friend of mine.
Jello wrestling? Um, no. Tractor pull? Hell no.
Well, OK... maybe Jello wrestling. But not the red ones, they stain.
Park, coffee, a nice meal? Maybe. Museum? Hey, it's on!
To send a message to
you MUST meet the following criteria:
Live in United States
Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
You must have a picture to contact this user.
Must not be looking for Hang Out
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
|Whenever I'm blue, I reread Mominatrix' profile and it makes me laugh so hard I have peed. It's true.
I will tell you this: though she reads quite prickly, she is a sweet softy and a joy to know in person. If you have the good fortune to meet her in the flesh, you will be blessed to have done so.|
|RedCassandra||"Mirror, mirror, on the wall ~ Who in this pond is fairest of all?" And the mirror said: "I have no freaking idea... but, I know who is the evilest of all evil geniuses in this pond. It's MOMI!!!!" When she is not busy devising schemes of world domination, she is busy crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in her doings. She pierces her victims' hearts with her sharp stiletto heels... impeccable taste in shoes, by the way. Oh, and the music... don't EVER try to question her music taste... if you want to live, that is. Charming, witty and smart, she does not suffer fools gladly, which is why *I* love her. That + she's gonna take me to that uber-cool dungeon-place where...errr... upsie...I am not to allowed to speak about that. Never mind. Bottom line, she IS the coolest fish of all and I have no idea why are you reading this instead writing to her already. Sheeesh. Just do it!!!!|
|well...this testimonial is long overdue, "mom" is a great person, having met her last year in person, "margarita swilling party poodle"... always love to read her forums that she writes, she is very special and so versatile. just a joy to know she seems to have alot going on in her daily life but can take the time for her family( i have met a few of them) and friends...-exceptional!
i look forward to knowing her for many years to come... she makes you feel so welcome in this "big pond that we call "pof".love you lots!
****Sandbug May 4, 2008*** |
|She's not for the faint of heart-(so don't be a p*ssy) A brutally honest woman, how can you go wrong with that?!-(And when I say brutally, I really mean it) She's got a wicked sense of humor, and will never hesitate to put you in the Naughty Corner for a time-out. My sister of the shank, we are the "fearsome twosome". You should be afraid, be very afraid...|
|If you haven't got a spine, you haven't got a chance with this one. On the other hand, if you're an absolutely perfect man, you might have a slight chance, depending on whether she's in the mood for perfection at that point in time. Her wit is sharp enough to cut diamond like butter, and her intellect is sharp enough to cut her wit in twain. As for her grammar, it's as perfect as... hmm... I guess it has nothing to compare to. If you have ever missed a question on a spelling test, though, then I wouldn't risk it :P ~ David|
|this woman has a voice like an angel, and an attitude of patti smith. amazing. wish I had more time on my hands - this woman and her friend took me out for my birthday last year and it was a blessing for me because I was having a tough, rough day - "well that's what friends are for". she said when I thanked her. The world needs more people like her fer sure...Rock on babe!|
|As Ace has said, is there anything more that can be said about this incredible woman? She is fabulously wicked, incredibly wise, delightfully outspoken, and lives her life to the fullest. I have learned so much from her in the short time that I've known her. She is one of my personal heroes, and I am not one to give fawning compliments just for the sake of doing so. She may take a wooden spoon to me for tarnishing her image as a "tormentor", but...there is a genuine heart of gold under those fishnets and stiletto heels. Love ya "Trix". |
|What can I say that hasn't already been said! Mominatrix is bright, nice, and dedicated. She's also got a wicked sense of ... humor! We always have a good time at the movies or wherever we hang out. Fun to be around and great to have at your back. The best!|
|I finally had the pleasure of meeting this amazing woman in person! Not only can she throw one heck of a boob-grabbin' party, she can make you laugh so hard your sides hurt! What an intelligent, fun, beautiful, witty (I could easily go on) woman! I just wish I could walk in her shoes (hehe).|
|What can I say about Mominatrix... No really, I mean, what *exactly* can I say about her without getting into trouble... You see, she likes to modify her testimonials for you when you're not looking and she thinks she's getting away with something (ok, she really is, but that's not the point...) She's just lucky she's such a Perl... Because otherwise I'd 'nix that testimonial so fast it'd make her hard drive spin...|
|A breath of fresh air you are to me,
Not typical on these pages, that is for sure,
What a nice lady you seem to be,
You are so many things, but never a bore.
I also love to stroll along the beach,
As an ex-sailor, I need to see the sea,
Sharing a walk, could be company for each,
And enjoying the outdoors does not cost a fee.
So many admirers you appear to have got.
To my heart you might have held the key,
Added you as a favourite? I have not,
Because you are “taken”, it is not going to be.
I think I understand some of your desires,
A willing heart to help others, especially on here,
It could also have been nice if I were one of your brothers,
Perhaps I should just go out for a beer?|
|I've read this lady's posts for awhile. They are always very much worth it, she has her own style and is very much her own person. In getting to know her, it was no surprise to find that we think a lot alike. She is as sharp as they come, with a sometimes biting wit, never harsh but always good for a chuckle. She carries herself with class and grace, another lady friend that makes me proud to be a woman. A kindred spirit, I'm delighted to be her friend, and always glad to hear from her. An asset to the site, a dear lady, so glad she's here. The pond is a much more interesting and better place with her here.|
|This is a woman that'll kick your rear end to another galaxy if you aren't worthy. But if you are worthy, the universe of pleasure is yours. Just make sure you can handle a sesquipedalian with a powerful voice and a spectacular mind. And one warning: if you have a fear of smart women, this is the one you have to fear the most.|
|Mominatrix is simply one of the sweetest, most intelligent, and lovely people on POF. She always has something witty and/or insightful to say in the forums, so reading her posts is always a treat. This woman is truly a gem!|
|Mominatrix is Momilicious! She should be declared a national treasure by congress. How would she be to date? She is to a date what Bentley is to a car. Send her flowers imediately, cross your fingers and throw a virgin into a volcano and pray she'll see you just once! |
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