A few years ago, on the Fourth of July, I was the only straight man at a barbecue with lots of members of the gay bear community and the men who like them (Don't ask me how I got invited). By the end of the night, I had a bunch of phone numbers (even after I explained that I'm hetero), and got flirted with a lot. This happens to me less frequently in a mixed party. I'm sure part of it is that women can often be less demonstrative than men, that the men at the party felt very safe to act on their impulses, and that being a big, round, hairy bear daddy does not fit society's GQ or Cosmo standard for male beauty, which heterosexual women are more likely to subscribe to than gay men.
So: I know that there are there women who find big, round-bellied, hairy bear men sexy, and that you browse Plenty of Fish. It's not like I'm going to shave off my facial hair, and get a body wax anytime soon. Who I am is vibrant, sexy, and hilariously funny. I'm not going to wish I could be something I'm not, so I'm taking the approach that who I am is sexy to some women, and then go meet those women. I know that there is a bear fetish among gay men, but there's also a bear fetish among women who date men, and that's who I'm looking for. After all, the term BBW has become common parlance here on Plenty of Fish, so why not straight bears as well?
I'm a bear daddy. You're the adorable she-cub I nuzzle, lick, protect. That's the way you and I like it, and not the other way around. I feel instinctively protective of the women I adore. I am affectionate, devoted, and doting to the woman who merits my esteem. I am looking for a woman who deserves the sincerity, tenderness and bearishness I have to give.
Physical: I'm most attracted to women who are between cuddly and deluxe-sized (although that's OK too, especially if your belly doesn't push too far past the girls upstairs). I like a woman who smiles by default, who greets the world with a certain charm and grace. I prefer longer hair to shorter hair. I like dresses and skirts better than trousers on a woman. I like when the woman I'm with has a feminine rather than an androgynous appearance. I delight in the curves of my partner. I want a woman who isn't afraid to show some cleavage; a woman with a smackable tushy; who smells good.
Emotional: You have a deep empathy for other people and the sadnesses they carry with them. You understand that we are all still frightened children deep down inside, and you love us all anyway. In particular, you love men, faults and all. You understand that the world didn't miraculously spring into existence the day you were born. You know what the world was like before you were here to grace it, and you harmonize with older melodies. You have cultivated your own sense of humor, and now it permeates every aspect of your life, even the parts of your life that aren't funny. You are loyal, and you have my back, and know that I have yours. You know how to stand on your own, and when you are with me, you are grateful that you don't have to.
Intellectual: You don't have to be a genius, but please don't be anti-intellectual. You've read a book recently. You look up words in the dictionary when you don't know what they mean. You know how to find out what you don't know. I don't care much about your level of formal education. You may have made no study outside of your chosen career, but your thoughts about it will be such that your thoughts about anything else will not be completely inane. You are capable of a serious answer to a serious question. You think about whether your actions conform with your principles, and you are not easily lured away from your ethics by the possibility of gain.
Spiritual: You need not be on the same path as me, but you are on a path. I don't care if you believe in God as long as you are constantly seeking to hone your connection to something greater than your ego. Without disparaging reason, you understand that it's not the pinnacle of consciousness. You know how to be silent without brooding. You understand that cheerfulness is spiritual, that alacrity is spiritual, that the chill up your spine--the one that tells you how small you are and at the same time how great is your task--is a regular part of your life.