If you want to meet the most kick as guy to ever ****ing live then you have come to the right place. I have 20/20 vision and smell delicious like maple bacon.
I am fairly polite and I am rarely late for things. I love to cook, I make amazing steaks and I almost never mess them up! F*ck yeah tearing down gender roles. I will cook you a steak and you will agree there is not even a word to describe the taste and you will have to invent a new word, welcome to websters dictionary. Vegetarian, no problem I will whip up a veggie shish kabob.
Do you like books?? Me too. I read the sh*t out of books every day. I will read to you aloud in my best Morgan Freeman voice so you can think you are listening to an audio book, thats the type of next level sh*t I pull off all the time. Do you like movies, I f*cking love movies! We can watch some movies, or go rock climbing, or get some drinks, or go to walmart and eat in the McDonalds there and just watch people at walmart, maybe take some pictures of them and make POF profiles for them. This is up to you I will pretty much do anything. I. MEAN. ANYTHING. Do I want to just hang out. You better believe I want to f*cking hang out. It will be so off the hook when we hang out that it will blow your mind all over your face.
Are you apprehensive to contact me because you think I wont get back to you. Wrong again. I will get back to you no matter what, even if you send me a really mean message telling me how shitty my profile is, dont try and get up in my grill. I already know how shitty it is!! Are you a guy just seeking advice on how to sharpen an axe, I know how to do that too, so you can message me as well. Are you a girl wondering if I have friends, I sure as f*ck do and I will introduce you to them at a location of your convenience, and my friends are almost as kick ass as me, so you are 90% in luck.
I am really good at Jeopardy, if you want to challenge me to Jeopardy you will probably lose, unless it is college Jeopardy and there is always one category dedicated to US Colleges. I want Trebecks job when he cashes in. I practice all of the time by aswering people only in the form of a question, some people find that annoying, actually almost everyone does.
Want to meet, I will provide you with a full police background check, my free credit score.com, an STD screening current within the last six months, my high school transcript, my real cell number and my fake cell number, and a picture of my 1993 Most Improved Minor Hockey Trophy. I can do 100 push ups.
Do not message me if you are:
- have implants
- or aspiring actress
It never works.
PS. No sex on the first date so dont even try it.
I dont really have too many objections, unless you want to go somewhere lame. I am thinking you could dress up like Catwoman and I would dress as Batman (The new one not Adam West one) then I would chase you around with all kinds of cool gadget weapons and I would speak really deep and raspy like how Christian Bale does in the movies. After I capture you you then try to seduce me to get out of trouble like Catwoman does in the movies and I have to make the difficult decision on whether I should stick to my values as a costume vigilante or let you go. It will be a fun game and a lesson in ethics while in a position of authority then I will do everything to you that the last guy was too much of a wuss to do:)