A couple nights ago a crazed homeless guy, at a bar I was at partaking in a fine beverage/beer, decided to start screaming out over and over again that I was the reincarnation of Noah and that I was here to build him an ark to sail through these troubled times. Of course at that point, I had to question my own sobriety and perhaps his particular mental capabilities and drug use. At least it was raining, so he was somewhat coherent enough to notice the weather.
While I guess I might be sporting what some might call the "righteous beard" that borderlines on being homeless myself, I dont particularly picture myself at all looking like a carpenter capable of putting together a couple of sticks of wood - much less making what would amount to a "huge f***ing boat" to house all sorts of oddities. Perhaps his standards were low in his cracked-out condition. I more pictured myself as Moses sitting around in a field hearding my sheep with a staff in one hand and a beer in the other.
So, that brings me to this morning when I further increase my inferiority complex past just being unable to construct the pre-mentioned "huge f***ing ark" for myself and others as I try to make a model out of whatever office supplies I could scrounge together (read: steal) from the supply room. Apparently a 500 count box of 8.5x11 paper, a glue stick, 1/2 used tube of super clue, a dozen rubber bands, and a handful of pencils, pens and postit notes, a used inkjet cartridge, staples, and scotch tape result in an mini-ark…. Well… a mini-ark that would embarrass the least crafty student in gradeschool. Stepping back and looking at it, I would have guessed just balling the whole piece of sh*t concoction up and throwing it into a puddle would have floated better than what I built.
Uhm. So, I think this brings me to my entire post rolled up into a nice nugget: HELP!!
I'm looking for someone who’s mildly crafty, good with glue (not huffing), light weight and aerodynamic (to keep the ship afloat), handy around the medicine cabinet (cause Ive already cut myself once and I havent moved on to hammers), entertaining (cause no clue how long we will be on the boat), a proficient herder (cause we have to recruit others), relatively young – 24-40 (cause we both need to outlive the voyage), smart (cause I don’t want the boat to fall apart), non-pyro(cause the boats made out of paper and I don’t want my beard lit on fire), disease free (cause we don’t want the animals catching anything), pet friendly (cause it’s a f***ing ark), waterproof (hmm… water?)….
HELP! Its raining!!!
Figured POF was much better than the meat-market of 4th street.... Anything where one can talk - beers, coffee/tea, a random wander through one of our marvelous parks, a parkbench, visit to home depot - need lots of wood for the ark building, who knows. Never "dinner and a movie" - who the heck can talk in a movie?
Also of note - since there are enough tools/chodes/Chads on here emailing anyone and everyone of the female persuasion - I've decided to never email anyone first. If you want to find out whats in my crazy ass skull - send me a well worded email, resume, list of tools you own, ... err... well.... perhaps just "hello" to start...
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