N.B.: The "one-word personality" field, above, is a lie. It's a tawdry, hackneyed, reductionist, and downright insulting bit of nothing that makes sites like this terrible. Several of its entries literally don't exist -- they're just made up urban legend b.s. -- and at least one entry is misspelled. I put "maker" in there because it was the most meaningless thing I could find on the list (so it wouldn't mislead anyone).
Give a man fire, and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Okay, off the bat: if you would be embarrassed to be seen with a male below a certain, minimum pec size and you have to google "deadpan" to know what deadpan humor is, then I apologize for wasting your time, have a nice day, this is the part where you stop reading and click the back button on your browser. Ah, there. Since you're still with me, dear reader, you're either a person of at least average (probably better) intelligence and taste or you're functionally illiterate and couldn't understand the first sentence. I'll take those odds.
I make a different impression on just about everybody. An objective observation is that a conversation with me is riddled with digressions, random one-liners, and witticisms, and a date with me is filled with conversation. (Poignant silence is usually a fourth- or fifth-date deal.) I make no guarantees as to the quality of the witticisms. Hopefully, for both of us, you catch me on a good day. Other restrictions may apply; offer void in Florida.
I'm flexible. If you don't find me attractive, we can just date someplace with poor lighting.
(You must be able to tolerate jokes that bad for us to work out. Note that if you're a heavy drinker, that probably won't be a problem.)
And, relationship-wise, I'm honest, though not brutally so. I play games with cards, not people. (People are hard to shuffle.) If you expect men to use telepathy to figure out what you want, we won't work out. However, if you like honest communication, we'll get along fine.
Finally, I have a J.D., but I hate the Smarts field. There you go: a reward for reading the profile. I'd actually leave the d@mn thing blank, but due to an unannounced change, this site now lists "N/A" as "High School." This site apparently pays for itself with a combination of passive-aggressive interface attributes and data mining when you yield to the former.
That's far more than enough about me. On to you. Despite the male:female ratio on this site vastly favoring females, I do have a few restrictions. (These are all derived from experience. Merciless, cruel experience.)
• If you go bat$hit when someone asks about your parents' professions because of your unresolved issues with your dad, then we should not date.
• If you're idea of a quiet place where we can talk is the middle of a street festival, then we should not date.
• If your concern about your physical appearance causes you to have spontaneous mental breakdowns in public places, we should not date.
• If words above three syllables irritate you, we should not date. I took this line out of the profile --- and now I'm putting it back in. I'm not claiming to be a perfect catch on this site, but if you have a conniption fit because I used a word like "conniption" I will block you without explanation. I will happily rush into ill-conceived relationships, but I'll be d@mned if I waste another minute of my life on someone terrified that I may have passed 9th grade English.
• You know, I'd just like to reiterate that thing about parent issues. Seriously. If you can suppress your feelings in an unhealthy manner, that's fine, we can go out. Normal people suppress. But don't seek closure just after we've ordered the dinner salad in a restaurant.
There. That still leaves a wide variety of mentally ill people to go out with. Contact away.
Let's try that again. Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll break your monopoly.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
First date. I don't care. No, really. So long as it doesn't involve needles. Okay, I care some.
I would be happy to go out for a glass of water. That's not a joke.
Conversation is more important than anything else. A female friend of mine once went on a twenty minute rant about mental health care; that tirade was funnier than two hours of anything hollywood can expel. And it was much more enlightening, to boot.
If we're supposed to go on a date, I don't want to go somewhere, I want to be someplace with you.
Good date: we gain insight into each others' being.
Bad date: we gain a pill-taking regimen to be maintained while symptoms persist.
So it's up to you. If you think skydiving is a great first date, I'll bite (but you're going to have to spot me on some health insurance -- I'm a bit short).
Note that I'm deadly serious about knowing what deadpan humor means. If you have ever misunderstood a joke in an e-mail, realized it, then become angry about it, I do not wish to communicate with you. Don't waste my time or yours. Well, mine, at least.
One last thing:
duh`lurd, n. One who, when needing to look up a word in the encyclopedia or dictionary, opens the book directly to the word in question, reads the entry, and closes the book.
If you get that, please contact me as soon as possible.