Greetings, females who for some reason can't get a boyfriend who is worth a damn. Welcome to my profile!
I will now summarize the entirety of my personality, my wants, my goals, and my interests within a short, typed essay for your reading pleasure in an attempt to attract a suitable mate. Given that the average modern adult female has an attention span of 8.3 seconds, I doubt that you've even read this far. If you have, then congratulations on being a weirdo. Please continue reading so that you may judge me based on .04% of who I truly am, and hopefully we will meet and enjoy the opportunity to judge each other in person while playing on our phones and taking turns talking about ourselves while the other pretends to listen.
I am an agnostic libertarian (this is important). I'm open-minded, and I like to have fun and try new things! I love animals, the gym, movies, sushi, and gaining new experiences...by trying new things! I dislike television, fast food, and coffee. I'm independent (every adult is, but I know that women like to hear this kind of thing because it implies that I won't be constantly smothering them) and I love doing things on my own (except sex), but some things can be better when shared with a partner (such as sex...and f*cking sh*t up).
I'd ideally like to meet an open-minded, intelligent woman who goes to the gym (swolemate, yo!), cooks ("'Dinner ready' is pizza?!"), doesn't lie, and likes to cuddle and watch movies or Netflix during downtime (or go out and drink...whatever). Being a little bit nerdy gets you bonus points (I will quiz you). Note: I don't care about your occupation or income, and I refuse to discuss mine, so don't ask.
I am open to all things platonic (not sex) and casual (sex), as well as the prospect of a serious and exclusive relationship (monogamous sex). All things considered, I am not asking for much, and I don't want to rush anything (no getting a cat together).
I really just want to meet someone I have similarities with and can relate to. I know what I want and what I don't want, however, so, for very good reasons, I try to avoid dating anyone to whom any of the following apply:
You use drugs
You don't have a car
You have children
You support Obama, Hillary, or Jeb
You identify yourself as a feminist
You do not use proper English
You have a weak sex drive
You have an STD
You oppose same-sex marriage rights
You didn't graduate from high school
You are selfish, disloyal, dishonest, flaky, superficial, immature, or otherwise unreliable
If any apply to you, then that's nothing against you (unless the last one applies, in which case you're probably a bad person or someone I've already dated), but we will not be a good match. If none apply, and if you have a great sense of humor and a fun, playful personality to match my own (meaning we have awesomeness in common), then go ahead and message me.
I don't care what you look like or what college you went to or what kind of job you have (unless you work with animals, because that's a turn-on); none of that will impress or intimidate me. I have dated women of all shapes and sizes from all walks of life (you have no idea!), so please have something else to bring to the table, like self-respect and a sense of integrity, or a super power.
Did you actually read this far?
That is...wow...that's amazing! You deserve a free meal...on me. Message me and I'll tell you what you're hungry for and take you there (I am totally decisive and manly). I still can't believe you've read this far.