Basic Flying Rules:
1.Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
2. Maintain thy airspeed or thine earth shall rise up and smite thee.
If you're looking for a sweet, simpering southern belle..hie thee to the next profile. If you're seeking a simple, good-hearted gal..that ain't happening either.
Ridiculously low maintenance, uncomplicated, drama-free, honest and straightforward. Most times unPC. I color outside the lines. I run with scissors. I don't abide by the rules of "polite" society. I'm not an excellent choice for the faint of heart, the overly straight-laced, or those not in possession of their "man" card.
Retired military, now working with the military in a fun and rewarding second career.
The eternal optimist...I don't spazz over the small stuff. My sense of humor is finely honed, snarky, wicked, dry and obscure. I find most things pretty damn funny. If your "flash-to-bang" needs calibrating, you possess "standard issue" humor, or you opted out of the feature entirely, you will likely not understand or appreciate mine. I tend to think outside the box (minds out of the gutter, boyz).
Not a damsel in distress, hence don't require a knight (gallant or otherwise) to blaze a path to my rescue. Also not in need of completion, validation, or any other BS.
I have NO ulterior motives, NO hidden agenda. Not in pursuit of a MRS degree, but should Mr. "OH HELLLL YEAH!!" pop up on radar, I won't run away screaming.
I have NO desire to control or change you. If you have my interest, rest assured, I like you exactly as you are. It is not my style or intent to use and/or abuse you...and I'm too lazy to stalk you.
I'm not broke(n), bitter, jaded, flummoxed, demented or in any other manner adversely affected by life experiences or previous encounters with fellow members of your species.
Fluent in "man-speak". You will be relieved to find that I function with a totally different mindset than most women.
I'm attracted to the traditional "man's man", "ruff, tuff, and hard to diaper" type "A" personality. (I'm an ENTJ - extraverted, intuitive, thinking, judging). I don't require you to be a rocket sturgeon, but common sense and an above average degree of situational awareness would be nice.
I keep myself in fairly good shape. Should we meet, you will not be greeted by a sweathog or the cryptkeeper. I'd appreciate the same from you. The pics are recent, the dates accurate. Just for the hell of it..I made sure they were actually of ME. If YOU don't resemble YOUR pics, be prepared to buy me drinks until you do.
I will admit a preference for military (former/active/retired) men.
I am -
PRO-MILITARY. Strong, kickass, take no prisoners. Heroes Don't Wear Capes .......They Wear Dog Tags
PRO-right to bear arms (even the right to BARE arms if you prefer sleeveless)
PRO-corporal AND capital punishment
Some FAQ/comments and my responses -
"Hi" = waves back
"hey" = hey
":)" = :/
"waddup/wazzup/'sup???" = nuttin
"how dey hangin??" = dey AIN'T hangin, homeskillet. Dey will NEVER hang.
"send me a picture of your ass" = sorry, my ex said he would prefer I NOT send out his picture.
AnYtHiNg wRiTtEn LiKe tHiS = rEaD/DeLeTeD
I don't want to stomp on anyone's feelers. We would make an unwonderful match if YOU:
- don't have personality/humor similar to mine. (You interpret my profile as intimidating/arrogant/judgemental/feminazi-ish/ball breaker-y, etc.... vs the spirit in which it was intended.)
- MUST drink or be medicated to get through the day. I rarely drink. I don't mind if you do..in moderation. HOWEVER..if your permanent home of record is LA-LA land, take note..I operate in REAL world, REAL time, RE-ALity. If you are FUBARed - if you are not firing on all cylinders - if your ducks are not in a row - if your grip on reality is influenced by, or dependent upon, distilled or chemical assistance...best to move on to the next profile.
- are oppressed, depressed, suppressed, obsessed, possessed, re-possessed.......or any other "essed" word. Ditto if you are perpetually pissy and/or a sadsack..prone to moodiness, self-pity, or any other assdart antics.
- mouth writes checks that your ass can't cash.
- look like hammered shiite. Slack-jawed yokels, mullets and metrosexuals don't inspire "dewiness" either...therefore, non-starters.
- think, act, and sound.....O L D. Gentlemen, it ain't over til they throw dirt in your face. If you are offered soup or sex, and you choose the soup.....shuffle off to the next profile.....pleeeease!
- EXCEED the STANDARD definition of "average" for body type. If you lean a little toward the heavy side of "average"......I'm OK with that. BUT...c'mon gang, let's tighten up our shot group on the profiles, shall we? Stand up...now look down. If you cannot espy body parts that SHOULD be visible, YOU ARE NOT "AVERAGE", chief.
NOTE: I didn't include "blissfully ignorant, docile and delightfully dumbass" when describing myself. This was NOT an oversight on my part.
No "date", just a meet and greet, maybe for a drink of some sort. If we find each other insufferably obtuse, we diverge flight paths after 15 minutes. No harm, no foul, nobody dies.
or THIS -
Skip the first date ritual. By the time we meet face-to-face, we will have already engaged in sufficient commo to determine if we have clickage, and I'll know I won't be in the company of a psychopathic axe murderer, or worse....a liberal.
I'll probably just invite you over, we'll throw something on the grill, and hang out. YOU, of course, would be the grill sergeant, it being a "man" thing and all...
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing Billy Bob."
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
To send a message to
you MUST meet the following criteria:
Age between 40 and 65.
Must not do drugs
|This is the most incredible woman a man could ever know. She's everything any man could ever want all in one beautiful package. She's beautiful, sexy, smart, witty, fun, devoted, healthy, and a dear friend. If we weren't 1000 miles apart, she'd be all mine. (That's assuming I had any say in the matter and sufficient alcohol was applied to sway her better judgment.)|
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