Update: This will be my Third attempt on Maury to find my babie's daddy. Baby Ray-Ray and I would like to thank you all for your prayers and condoms.
When I am not being abducted by aliens, or dealing with psychotic pets, I enjoy listening to the 'Lite Hits' channel on Comcast on Demand.
Would like to meet a Dexter or similar.
I like to play pool badly - and I mean really badly and drink and dial.
On a good day.......when I haven't had a visit from the First Responders I like to relax with a Dostoyevsky novel and a box of Franzia.
Of course, I do enjoy the finer things in life such as Jerry Springer (love those new female bouncers), taxidermy, polishing my unicorn collection and not overdosing on Xanax.
What am I looking for? You tell me.
Let me give you some helpful advice. I have had hundreds of responses and have noticed a trend that is not appealing to most women.
1. Have a picture on your profile. I don't care you've been told you are handsome and resemble George Clooney I want to see you for myself.
2. Put some effort into your pics. If it looks like a mug shot, 50 feet away, or you are covered with a hat and sunglasses there are a few things that come to mind. It really is your mug shot, you look better 50 feet away, or you are the Una bomber.
3. Have your shirt on. The only reason you should EVER have your shirt off is if you happened to have a photo taken at the beach. While we are on this subject, don't use your cell phone to take your chest shot in a mirror. I don't care how buff you are, you are a loser with no friends.
4. Group photos are fine, but don't have your ex in the picture, your old wedding photo, or some random girl you met at a bar one night. It doesn't make you look more desirable it just makes you look tacky.
5. Do not put pictures of your kids on your profile. Have some respect for their privacy and safety. I don't have to see your kids to know you may be a good father, and besides what do you want a medal? They are your kids.
6. Please let the 70's go! If your mustache is the size of a small African village, or you look like the new representive for Pringles, do you really think I would ever kiss you?
7. Stop taking pictures of your cars/motorcycles. I don't care what you drive.
8. For God's sake learn to spell. It's your profile, don't you think you should spell check it before you send it out there?
9. If you bother to email me, have something to say, not "Hey lol."
10. Don't email like you're texting me. "U R Hot."
11. If you are married as in living in the same house and pretending to be a happy couple, take a long walk on a short pier. I don't want to hear about how she doesn't understand you and your lack of a sex life.
12. If your house in on wheels, or a avid fan of Nascar, I would dare to say you are probably not the man for me.
13. I know your buddies are impressed with the big bass you caught, but seriously it really doesn't do much for women unless... you are a sheriff of a small New England town and you catch the shark that's been making five course meals out of the locals. Now that is impressive!:)
Okay, if you read this far here are a few real things about me. If you don't email me because of my favorites list, or think I have been out with any of these men, rest assured that is not the case at all. I am not an outdoorsy kind of gal. I will be looking for outlets for my curling iron if you take me camping. I am looking for someone sincere, kind, funny, intelligent and of course attractive. I want a world class kisser and a world class gentleman. I am marriage-minded and if you are not, we are probably not a good match. If you are a judgmental person, we are not a good match. I can spend every weekend watching the Lifetime channel rather than go on another bad date. I refuse to settle. My standards are not high, but I do have them.
Should be a slower version of 'speed dating'. You should complain about traffic, or how bad your day was. I will pretend to listen and look for the exits. In the middle of dinner your ex-stalker girlfriend will call to add new heights to the evening. After some time on that. I will drink too much. You will tell me how I remind you of your ex wife who took the house,the car and burned your porn collection. I will swear I will never take another date from the God forsaken site and you will decide that all women are vampires sucking the ever living life out of you as you pay the check.