So we all know dating can be hard but we all have to do it... unless it's an arranged marriage or something but who does that?!?! I just want to have a good time with whoever I am with, that being the ultimate goal. I have lived too long and been through too much to expect my heart to win over my mind. I mean, yeah it sounds great and all but my brain is in more control at this point in my life, over everything, I would love to fall in love head over heals with someone but right I will settle for an interest and move on from there. I am finally at the point that I have accepted that and ready to just move on. I am a very easy going person and my personality is that of a run on sentence or never ending paragraph with joy and happiness being produced in most cases. With but a moment in time joy comes from nowhere to fill everywhere. I am a happy person, please don't bring the joy train to a stop, I know positive people when I see them and would like that to fulfill my life. Work hard play hard and for the love of god we all have to enjoy now! To be blunt and very forward, if I do start talking to you, all my eggs are in that basket, I do not play the field or see where things will lead, I judge a situation and know by the end of one night (after meeting) if it is possible, the question is how much effort to apply. I am looking for a friend and partner in crime more than anything at this point. I am just more grounded and realistic than I am hopefull of things I can't control. No I am not a control freak, the world could blow up around me and I will still try to make the best of every moment. I should break this huge thing into parts but I have read so many profiles that I wonder if anyone has a clue who they really are, and what that means for how they write their profiles... Most of them just sound like what they imagin themselves to be, not who they are. This is me and the way I am, not proper all the time, just when I need to be. I am a rock that just needs a little polish, someone with things to loose and everything to gain. I just want to enjoy what I can when I can and be there for someone that lets me. I hope, dream and love. Thousands of possibilities in life and I made this mine, I own it and admit it is up to me to change. Choice, we all have it, intelligence we all contain it, pride we all embellish it, compassion and love, we all envy it... I am me, and just hope that you stay you however that evolves.
New thought process:
So how do I view on myself as a person. I love helping others, doing what I can for people with less. Everyone gets one free favor, small or large I do what I can. Some people through my life have thought I let people walk all over me. Please don't mistake kindness for weakness. I do not need a return on my friendship, and know when to draw the line. Some friendships while others may not understand them have value to me like holding onto an old shirt that I will never use but it was the last thing my sister gave me before she passed. Some things have no logical value but a place in your heart for all time. If that shirt tried to kill me or swallow my soul, yeah I would get rid of it, but seriously now, when is that ever going to happen? I like to people watch, even in a group of friends I observe more than I am the observed, quiet and vigilant, unless I go out and party, it can on occasion get out of hand. My friends have looked at how I deal with people in new settings and how I can treat a stranger like a best friend and enjoy the moment. That is more of a reflex as I can be more open to an individual that I don't preceave as an interest, thus th art of an instant friend zone thing. But for cereal now, I am deathly afraid to get attached and loose something I never had, so I front and play, I think everyone can relate to that at some point. It is easier to have fun and enjoy now that worry about what could be and may never happen. I have a heart, it just might be a little scarred and secluded. To no fault of my own though, I wore my heart on my sleeve, and fell down one to many times. As for a personality... I can't say that through all of this that it can touch the vast and unemaginable depths of my mind. A written word will not, nore can not describe me. It is a personality that was defined through the 80's and hammered into existence in the 90's and found a path in the new millennium. Twisted and buried for a bit but ended up on top with less worry about personal image and less caring of what others think. I live for me and the people I love, yes I love my friends and family. I could keep writing for days, and never scratch the surface. I love to face my fears and feel awkward! I have a fear of social situations so I nominate myself to speak even though I still get flushed and dry mouth. I lean to the edge when I am afraid to fall, I know my abilities and limitations, and push them when I can. Everything in life should be taken in moderation and change in life is a key to happiness!
So I believe that if you read all this you are high on crack, love to read or actually found it entertaining, anyhow I am trying to be as honest with myself and my situation as possible. I always poke fun or find a off the wall coment to say, I fight for the underdog, I argue the opposite point even if I don't believe it just to hear how strong someone else's view is. Debate doesn't have to be an argument but a way to learn who someone is.
I went through all this just so you know I have a mind that works and a heart that is still there, I open doors... maybe not getting out of car doors cause you have hands, but in for sure, unless it was some kind of red carpet event or something, but if your hands were full I will by all means! I will sit a lady at a chair if it is my woman or not, it's just polite. Having said that though, I do get flustered and forget to do those general manly things when my heart flutters.
I am ever evolving and open to new things, places, people, whatever it is, I will find a way. I eat out all the time, take friends out and treat them like kings, or queens. I like something new when able, I love something I don't understand.
With the world spinning around us in a world of tragedy and calamity it is but ourselves that bring peace.
After all of this I still haven't said what I want to, so many views and interests that go unnoticed, who are we to judge from high up in our castles and fancy dinners, when do we take the time to notice something that has been there the whole time?
First words seem to be important to a lot of people, I can relate and I do judge, but I don't let my judgements stop me from trying to understand. Everyone is where they are at, through the events that led them through life. We are a sum of our experiences. If you have not lived it then it is hard to understand it. We all need to open out minds and hearts just a little more. And I got cut off... not a blog...
How much room do I have here I wonder?
So what got cut off is kind of important but now that it was said and deleted I wonder if fate is pushing it's hand..
In brief, I wrote all this so you would get to know me on some level rather than me trying to win you over in texts, I won't. Period. But if I message you it is because I read your profile and believe we could at least have a good time together and see where it leads, and no I will not even attempt to sleep with you unless I know there is something there to build a future. I may be blunt and quick hi and do you want to do something? I just don't believe you can get to know my personality in a message, kinda needs to be first hand experiance. I will leave it (location or what to do) up to you if you desire to feel comfortable in your own setting, but have no problem picking the what when where.
talk... laugh... play... talk some more...Play some more, just have fun with life!
Specifics? How about:
Dinner and a movie?
Hit the bar, play some pool, or darts?
Take a long walk downtown or a festival?
Play some disc golf?
List goes on..
I'm open to other options, really, there is no bad option if you have met the right person.